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Teamwork

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We received a request to share on the topic of teamwork.  Good topic!
Every marriage is based in teamwork – we chose our partner to team up with in life.  Like most marriages, we have had times when we pull together in the same direction and times when we are fighting against each other.  Over the years, we have found
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The Secret Recipe of Intimacy

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In our last post we hinted at the complexity of intimacy, especially in the context of forgiveness and healing (1/13/19).  Intimacy involves more than sex.  In fact sex can sometimes be anything but intimate. Many authors and psychologists speak of at least 4 components to deep and sustained intimacy.  They often include emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical intimacy.  We like to think of this as the 'Secret Recipe.' To achieve this Intimacy we both need to desire and be willing to work towards intimacy.

Intellectual Intimacy is sharing ideas and thoughts, showing an interest in each other's hobbies.  We won't always enjoy doing the same thing, but we support each other's pursuits and successes.  Tom has always mowed the lawn, but over the years he has joined me in gardening, saving seeds, nurturing seedlings and reading about heirloom tomatoes.  As a result, some of our most memorable conversations and moments have occurred working together in our garden.

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Talk to Me

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Ken:  When we were dating, it seemed we could talk all night, and sometimes we did.  During our engagement, there was so much to talk and dream about together...our future, a home, kids, jobs, adventures.
Janine:  I remember the 10 hour road trip we took so I could meet Ken's Mom for the first time.  All the way there and back, we talked and talked.  Fast forward about 5 or 6 years though, and I remember sitting in a restaurant, just the two of us, with nothing to say to each other.  Silence. 
Ken:  Do most of your conversations center around the kids or problems at work or the honey-do list?
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Play’s The Thing!

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Paul: Anyone who knows us, knows that we’re not going to go down in history for our sense of spontaneity and silliness. We’re serious people. But some years ago good friends of ours encouraged us to take a break from the consistent seriousness and make time for play. They said playfulness in our marriage can help us keep some perspective when the trials of daily life get us down.
Steph: This was an eye opener for us. Play? Really? I wondered how exactly were we supposed to become more playful? What would that look like? We decided to start by being more intentional about our playfulness. Here are some of the things we came up with.
Paul: We began playing more board games as a family. While things can get competitive, more often than not we wind up laughing and teasing about the sculpture or drawing one of us made during a round of Cranium. In fact, our kids now buy us board games as gifts so we can play them when we are together. And we enjoy playing them when it’s just the two of us …
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Good Grief
Learning how to grieve as a couple has been a process.Ten years ago, we stumbled through intense grief together for the first time when Mel’s Dad died.Together we learned to navigate the memories, tears, and the occasional meltdown.
When Mel’s Dad passed, it was a tough time.While I was sad to lose my father-in-law, we weren’t especially close and my grief was nowhere near as intense as Mel’s.Seeing my wife frequently break down into uncontrollable tears was so difficult.There was very little I could do to help, and trying to console her surely didn’t make everything better.I realized Mel needed to grieve in her own way.All I could do was be there for her when she needed me: to listen, give a hug, buy groceries, make meals, etc.Mel was really hurting and I was ready to carry the load for the two of us.It was painful to see my usually bright, vibrant wife in such a dark, dismal place.
Dad had died the week before Christmas, so I (Mel) was struggling with celebrating the holiday…
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