The Couples Post

MF:  One rainy spring weekend we came to a new insight about clutter and our marriageas we set out to deep clean some closets and cabinets.  "A good weekend to KonMari," I told Tom.  To which he replied "Kon-what?"  "Time to tidy-up and de-clutter.  Bring on the Joy!"

Here's our 'Short List' of the things that have had the biggest impact on our marriage.

1. The 5 Love Languages - In this book, Dr Gary Chapman explains there are 5 basic love languages and we each have a primary "language."  We might be knocking ourselves out trying to show our spouse we love them,

Last weekend we stumbled across something that made us stop and re-evaluate our attitude. Sometimes our attitude comes across as a superiority – like when we believe we possess qualities or traits that our spouse doesn’t and become condescending – and this hurts our relationship. By “qualities” and “traits” we mean things such as: generosity, patience, understanding, compassion. Perhaps a couple of examples would help.

We’ve been extra busy lately - on weekends and weekdays alike.With everything that we committed to, there just hasn’t been much time for fun or relaxation. Last night we finally discussed our unmet need for fun.We both were dragging, and being productive was taking more effort than usual.We felt a little irritable, and misunderstandings and short responses were more frequent.There were moments of sudden tension, and we didn’t receive each other’s sense of humor as well as usual.Our unmet need for fun was interfering with our relationship! I (Mel) remember a time when my need for belonging went unmet.Ten years ago, we relocated from Cincinnati to Detroit.We knew absolutely no one in our new town!We put on a brave face, but ultimately, we were suffering separately and therefore felt even more isolated.My unmet need to belong had me feeling broken-hearted and lonely, and I lay around most days and cried.I stopped cooking family dinners and we ate on the couch.I didn’t feel very romantic. I…