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Showing posts from June, 2018

Manners & More

"Fine!" and "Whatever!"  These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt.  They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over.  Period. Full stop!"   Unfortunately we have all used or experienced these 2 words.  If we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline.

Those 2 little words are not the focus of this blog.  For as much pain as these words inflict, 2 phrases that we teach our 2 year olds  have the power to elevate and affirm.  Too often as husband and wife we neglect their incredible power.  Those words are "Please," and Thank you!"

Tom was helping me tackle some ragweed in the garden yesterday.  I heard him say "Please" as he asked me to get a tool. This simple one-syllable word took me by surprise.  Don't get me wrong; Tom is far more likely to say "Please" and "Thank…

Making Up is Hard to Do

Making up is Hard to Do
Every married couple has conflicts- sometimes over the littlest things. Most conflicts are a result of our unmet expectations- I expected this, but instead that happened. We begin to feel hurt or disappointed. We begin to think we're disrespected or that we’re unloved. In the first 5 years of our marriage, the silent treatment was our ‘go-to’ strategy. We brushed our problems under the rug and hoped they would go away. It’s taken us years to figure out that NOT talking about those little disappointments was NOT a good strategy. Eventually, we learned to deal with the small irritations as they happen, rather than letting them build up until there’s a big eruption.  One Friday evening, one of us made plans to get together with friends, not knowing the other one of us had been hoping for a quiet movie night at home. When we told each other of our plans a disagreement broke out- the walls went up, and there was that proverbial silence that you could have cut with …

The Soul Mate Myth

One of the unique things we share with couples preparing for marriage is what we affectionately dub, “the Soul Mate myth.” Somewhere in the weaving of our cultural tapestry in America, a piece of fabric was sown in proclaiming that in order to be eternally happy, each person must find his or her soul mate – the one special person out there meant specifically for them. The myth contends that if you find your soul mate, you will go through married life with ease. Of course, the natural response for many people who experience trouble in their marriage is to resort to the belief that they must not have found their soul mate. If they had, they wouldn’t be experiencing marital strife. And thus, they dissolve the marriage and begin looking for their true  soul mate.
In our humble opinion, the idea of a soul mate is entirely off the mark from reality and truth. From our 31 year journey through married life, we’ve had our share of discord and trouble. We’ve not been unscathed in our marriage.…