Skip to main content

It's Not About the Dress

It’s Not About The Dress 

The wedding venue, the dress, the flowers, the photographer...when did all this get to be so important?  

Rather than making TV shows like “Say Yes to the Dress,” we would like to have a reality TV show where a young couple gets together with their parents and grandparents and they talk about the REAL stuff of life and love.  One thing is for sure… It’s not about the dress.  It’s about what to say (or NOT say) when your spouse doesn’t get home from work at the time you expected.  It’s about dirty dishes and dirty diapers.  It’s about planning holidays around two different families often hundreds of miles apart. It’s about HOW to express feelings in a healthy way.   

Rather than the perfect wedding dress, marriage is about laughing at spontaneous inside jokes with your spouse, who is also your best friend.  It’s about that knowing look and heart melting moment when after 5 or 15 or 55 years of Marriage, ‘your song’ comes on the radio. It’s also about the peace and security that overwhelms you as you lay in bed together, after an exhausting day of work and laundry and getting kids to school and practice. It’s about making many small decisions to love, every day.    

The dress doesn’t even register on a scale that measures fulfillment in married life.  Have you ever seen someone’s wedding dress on display at their 40thor 50th wedding anniversary?  It’s profound if you think about it – she said, ‘yes’ to THAT particular dress- but, imagine all the much more important ‘yeses’ she and he have said to each other over those years!  What a wonderful, complicated journey it is!  

Comments

  1. YES to this nugget of wisdom and experience!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love, love love this, Ken & Janine! You are spot on! We write in all our engagement and wedding cards- "Enjoy this time, but remember... a wedding is a day. A marriage is a lifetime." So true.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Other Popular Posts

Great Sex!

Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”
    So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, to be as intimate as possible. Our freq…

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on...

10 Stay at Home Date Night Ideas

Date Night has become a household term in recent years and many couples strive to make this quality time together a priority in our increasingly fast paced lives. Throw some kids into the mix (or in our case a granddaughter), and it’s even harder to carve out quality couple time. Not to worry because finance guru Dave Ramsey has come to our rescue with not only a whole host of date night ideas, but most of them are budget friendly. We’d like to highlight 10 of Dave’s Stay at Home Date Night ideas! 

Marriage Manners Matter

"Fine!" and "Whatever!" These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt.  They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over.  Period. Full stop!"   As married couples, we have probably used these or similar words.  And, if we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline.

Those 2 little words are not  the focus of this blog.

Annual Marriage Tune-Up

A number of years ago, some friends of ours told us about a little trick they use to keep their marriage healthy, strong, and vibrant. Every year, they pledge to attend some kind of marriage enrichment event together. According to our friends, this does not mean weekend getaways to the beach, skiing, or going to a bed and breakfast together.

How to FIX Your Spouse

Does your spouse do anything that absolutely drives you nuts? Would you like to know how to “fix” them once and for all? Read on.

I Married YOU, Not Your Family

Growing up and getting married means that we leave our family of origin and start a new family.  We’re not asked to forget about mom and dad, but we do need to remember that our spousal relationship is important to take care of because it becomes the solid ground where we plant our new roots.

Come On, Baby, Light My Fire

One reason married couples end up together is because there is a physical attraction between them. Some call it chemistry. There are times when we can’t keep our hands off each other.  We make any excuse to be close, to be intimate.

Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

Yes, this is a strange twist.  We recently heard about James J Sexton's book, "If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late."  James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.

Quarantine Romance

We have been under a stay-at-home order for 5 weeks now due to the Coronavirus pandemic.  Just being in the same house together doesn’t ensure a close, intimate relationship though; we must decide to take actions that bring us together.  We decided to view this mandate to stay at home as an opportunity to find new everyday ways to romance each other.