Destination Weddings are a trend. Mary Frances and I attended one on
the Mexican Riviera that was wonderful. It is ironic though to plan
and celebrate a wedding as a destination when marriage, like graduation is the
commencement of a life-long journey.
If we could pack only one item for this journey, we would put EMPATHY at the top of the list of essentials. To journey together we need to be in
sync with each other. Creating
an environment of trust and openness where we can be vulnerable in sharing is key to
developing empathy. I like to think of Empathy as seeing the world
through the eyes of Mary Frances. After our kids were all in school, Mary
Frances shared her desire to join me in the practice of medicine. I knew
it would be a big change in our lives. I heard loud and clear her
desires but also her fears. I wanted to
be supportive of her and face this change together. With both of us
working I developed a greater empathy for home chores and focusing on 5 kids
after a full day of work. We
both grew in seeing the world through the other's eyes.
Tom more than once commented how wonderful it was to see my fresh enthusiasm,
for what sometimes seemed mundane to him. I judge I was the lucky one as
he listened to me and encouraged my ideas in his well-established routines. We were both flexible in adjusting schedules
so I could pick up the kids after school and have days off when the kids were
young and out of school. I have been
known more than once to brag about how wonderful it is to sleep with the
'boss'. Many people comment about how
hard it must be to live, eat and breathe with someone 24/7. The key is communication; not just talking,
but also listening -- not only to the words, but to the message behind the
words and gently seeking out those words Tom might be afraid to speak. This creates EMPATHY. It is not unlike riding a tandem bike. You have to practice, but once you prioritize
constant communication and that thirst for empathy, you realize that you can
take turns doing the hard pedaling and spell each other.
When you are empathetic, it is amazing
the virtues that overflow -- generosity, flexibility, an ability to overlook
little mistakes and annoyances, to be kind hearted, and self-sacrificing -- not
to mention great fire in the bedroom! Enjoy!
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