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Showing posts from November, 2018

Party Pitfalls

P: Have you ever noticed at parties that couples tend to separate into groups where the men congregate in one place and the women in another? We recently went on a double date night with some friends and even though we all shared a table, us guys made conversation with each other while the gals engaged in their own conversation. Driving home we realized that even though we spent the evening together, we had engaged with each other very little. What kind of date night is that?
S: Since that evening, we recommitted to the value of being together as a couple. We figured that the Thanksgiving holiday would be a very good time to put this value into practice. Upon arriving at our family gathering, instead of heading straight to the kitchen to find the women, Paul and I greeted our hosts and said our hellos together. Even though I checked occasionally to see if any help was needed, it wasn’t long before I sought out Paul again.
P: And instead of watching football with the guys, I found ano…
All of us at The Couples Post are so grateful for family and the ability to gather with a roof over our head and a turkey on the table.  May we all carry that spirit of gratitude over into the rest of the year and beyond.

There's An App For That!

I (Janine) am a list person. I especially like the satisfaction that comes from checking things off my list. It used to drive me bonkers when Ken would add HIS items to My list. Or worse, if I had a grocery list started and he would add something like "Christmas lights" to the grocery list. What is THAT?!?! Does that mean we need to buy Christmas lights, or does it mean we need to put up the Christmas lights? Either way, it certainly doesn't go on the grocery list. It goes on the To-Do list.

It seems to me (Ken) like some people get carried away with organizing their lists. I also learned that putting the wrong things on the wrong list got me into hot water. So, I set out to find a solution. It turns out there's an app for that - Wunderlist. (And no... we're not getting paid to promote it. We just like it and it's been useful in creating a bit more harmony in our marriage)

This app is loaded onto our laptop, ipad, and both of our phones. It syncs to each devic…

Arguing is Not the Enemy!

Have you ever heard a couple say, "We never argue"?  They have perfected the "Yes, Dear," and the rest of us just roll our eyes.


Arguing within a marriage can simply be a passionate discussion.  The secret is to keep your eye on the goal:  a stronger, and more honest, loving relationship.  Who wouldn't want that?

Mary Frances and I learned something recently about the verse "Love bears all things" in the litany of love virtues read at so many weddings.  It actually has to do with the use of the tongue, "to hold one's peace."  And yes, it means to speak kindlyand tonot have to have the last word in an argument.

Tom is really sensitive to others and that is one of the things I love most about him.  It is a gift he brings to our marriage.  Mary Frances can be driven by high standards and this makes it much easier for her to confront, which can be a good thing, too.  This leads to tension and we can argue over how to address situations in ou…

Assume Positive Intent

I (Mark) can be pessimistic at times and it seems natural for me to assume negative intent.  I prefer to look at all angles and outcomes, with emphasis on worst case scenarios.  An example was when Mel forgot to text me when her plane landed as she was going to visit her mom in Phoenix.  I judged that she didn’t care as much about me as she did for her mom.  When Mel finally did call and tried to share her excitement about being with her mom, I quickly squelched her excitement with my accusatory tone and cutting words.

After deplaning I visited the restroom and called Mom to arrange curb-side pick-up.  Chatting with my seatmate at the baggage claim, my goal was to get out the door and see my Mom after months apart.  I was caught off-guard by Mark’s harsh words, and felt compelled to explain my delay in calling.  I felt hurt by Mark’s accusation and was eager to end the call and get back to Mom. 

Sometime later, we learned about the importance of “assuming positive intent” in our rela…