Skip to main content

Arguing is Not the Enemy!




Have you ever heard a couple say, "We never argue"?  They have perfected the "Yes, Dear," and the rest of us just roll our eyes.


Arguing within a marriage can simply be a passionate discussion.  The secret is to keep your eye on the goal:  a stronger, and more honest, loving relationship.  Who wouldn't want that?

Mary Frances and I learned something recently about the verse "Love bears all things" in the litany of love virtues read at so many weddings.  It actually has to do with the use of the tongue, "to hold one's peace."  And yes, it means to speak kindly and to not have to have the last word in an argument.

Tom is really sensitive to others and that is one of the things I love most about him.  It is a gift he brings to our marriage.  Mary Frances can be driven by high standards and this makes it much easier for her to confront, which can be a good thing, too.  This leads to tension and we can argue over how to address situations in our office, how we handle family issues, mange time and money or simply whether or not we watch a football game with a friend or rake leaves.

When either of us gets heated, we can fight to win.  It sounds stupid to be passionate about raking leaves or watching football, but it happens.  We learned something on our WWME Weekend.  We have both found it helpful to step back and reflect.  What do I want?  What are my motives? How can I share my feelings and my thoughts without blaming or blowing up in an ugly fight?  Then we can have a loving discussion.

The discussion may still become passionate, but neither of us has to have the last word.  We don't get snarky and say things we will regret.  We enter the conversation knowing it is us whom we are passionate about.  We employ both of our strengths to come up with a better solution, like raking the front yard, then watching the game with friends.


Bottom line:  Don't fight to win!  But don't shy away from conflict, either.  Sweeping things under the carpet is not being honest with yourself or your spouse.  Dishonesty is not want we want in a relationship.

Fighting to win and having to speak the last word is not good either.  No one wants to sleep with a Looser!  Remember:  Arguing is not the enemy.  Fighting to win is!



Comments

Other Popular Posts

Great Sex!

Photo by  ijeab  /  Freepik     Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”     So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, t

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on... 

10 Stay at Home Date Night Ideas

Date Night has become a household term in recent years and many couples strive to make this quality time together a priority in our increasingly fast paced lives. Throw some kids into the mix (or in our case a granddaughter), and it’s even harder to carve out quality couple time. Not to worry because finance guru Dave Ramsey has come to our rescue with not only a whole host of date night ideas, but most of them are budget friendly. We’d like to highlight 10 of Dave’s Stay at Home Date Night ideas! 

Marriage Manners Matter

Photo Credit: Thought Catalog "Fine!" and "Whatever!"   These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt.  They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over.  Period. Full stop!"   As married couples, we have probably used these or similar words.  And, if we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline. Those 2 little words are not   the focus of this blog.

Annual Marriage Tune-Up

A number of years ago, some friends of ours told us about a little trick they use to keep their marriage healthy, strong, and vibrant. Every year, they pledge to attend some kind of marriage enrichment event together. According to our friends, this does not mean weekend getaways to the beach, skiing, or going to a bed and breakfast together.

How to FIX Your Spouse

Photo by Alex Jumper Does your spouse do anything that absolutely drives you nuts? Would you like to know how to “fix” them once and for all? Read on.

Stale Crackers

Photo by Pixabay via Pexels It first struck us when we had to throw away all the crackers in the pantry because they were past their expiration date – it’s been a very, very long time since we’ve entertained a group of friends at home.

I Married YOU, Not Your Family

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Growing up and getting married means that we leave our family of origin and start a new family.  We’re not asked to forget about mom and dad, but we do need to remember that our spousal relationship is important to take care of because it becomes the solid ground where we plant our new roots.

8 Ideas to Help Settle Disagreements in Marriage

"I disagree!"  "What?!?!"  "You don't understand." When husbands and wives disagree, things can get tense.  We dig in our heels, raise the volume, and let our emotions get the best of us.  Arguments can turn into a competition to win (as if anyone every truly "wins" in an argument). Whenever we hear ourselves say, "You always....," or "You never...," we know we're marching down the wrong road.  So how can we settle disagreements? 

Come On, Baby, Light My Fire

Photo by Katie Salerno from Pexels One reason married couples end up together is because there is a physical attraction between them. Some call it chemistry. There are times when we can’t keep our hands off each other.  We make any excuse to be close, to be intimate.