The Couples Post

We’ve heard cliché’s like “marriage takes work,” “communication is the key” and “love unconditionally.” What do they really mean? How do they play out in married life?
Communication Is Key
Steph:  Paul and I learned on our Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend, that we were primarily communicating by sharing information: about our work, our children, our calendar. We learned that in order to grow in intimacy we needed to communicate on a feeling level. I learned that feelings are neither right nor wrong. And, I learned to truly listen to how Paul was feeling about a particular situation instead of interrupting him with a litany of detailed questions. When I share with Paul my feelings of sorrow and regret over my sisters’ death and he listens without trying to “fix it”, he showers me in compassion and tenderness. When we accept one another’s feelings, we get along better and little annoyances seem far less important than my love for him.
Marriage Takes Work Paul: I’ve learned that every t…

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Image by Stefan Schweihofer from Pixabay.

I (Mel) used to feel irritated and isolated when Mark was sick, as he’d clam up and shut down.In addition to the daily care of our kids, pets, and household, it seemed to me that I had an additional child to care for.I felt burdened by the extra work of caring for Mark, and I wore myself down caring for everyone else.Yet, when I was sick, I was expected to continue in my usual role and take care of myself.How fair was that?

You may have heard marriage described as a 50/50 proposition with each partner contributing 50% to equal the presumed goal of 100%.  While marriage is not a game, it is common to judge our effort like contestants in a competition.

Do you find yourself wondering, "What happened to us?!?!"  At some point, we all do.  We long for those days when we were dating and first married.  We were full of passion for each other and so in love.  Our lovemaking was frequent and passionate.  It seemed we couldn't get enough of each other.  How did we get to a place where we were rubbing together like sandpaper, each doing our own thing?

Janine:  We found ourselves in a rut.  We realized that we weren't talking like we used to.  Our relationship had slipped to the bottom of our priorities, as the kids, jobs, and outside activities had taken over.  It seemed like we were on opposite teams.

Ken:  If this sounds familiar, we want to encourage you.  This is a common part of the journey.  Our relationship is not just about emotions.  It's not just about sex. It's not just about having things in common.  At our core, what we want and need is to feel loved and respected.  We want to know the one we're co…