The Couples Post

Last weekend we stumbled across something that made us stop and re-evaluate our attitude. Sometimes our attitude comes across as a superiority – like when we believe we possess qualities or traits that our spouse doesn’t and become condescending – and this hurts our relationship. By “qualities” and “traits” we mean things such as: generosity, patience, understanding, compassion. Perhaps a couple of examples would help.

We’ve been extra busy lately - on weekends and weekdays alike.   With everything that we committed to, there just hasn’t been much time for fun or relaxation.   Last night we finally discussed our unmet need for fun .   We both were dragging, and being productive was taking more effort than usual.   We felt a little irritable, and misunderstandings and short responses were more frequent.   There were moments of sudden tension, and we didn’t receive each other’s sense of humor as well as usual.   Our unmet need for fun was interfering with our relationship! I (Mel) remember a time when my need for belonging went unmet.   Ten years ago, we relocated from Cincinnati to Detroit.   We knew absolutely no one in our new town!   We put on a brave face, but ultimately, we were suffering separately and therefore felt even more isolated.   My unmet need to belong had me feeling broken-hearted and lonely, and I lay around most days and cried.   I stopped cooking family dinners and we ate on

Photo Credit: Benjaminrobyn Jespersen Lovemaking is one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage.  Yet there are so many impediments and inhibitions to making love once those wonderful Honeymoon years are over.

How do you find the right balance of couple time versus individual time? Sports, times with friends/co-workers, Facebook/Pinterest, hunting....  There are a lot of fun activities that can keep us busy - and distracted.  None of these activities are bad or wrong in themselves.  But... do they draw us slowly away from our spouse? Janine:   When we were first married, we spent as much time together as possible.  Gradually, my need to stay organized and caught up on my to-do list became more important than going to bed at the same time as Ken.  When I started to feel unappreciated, I decided to pour myself into my job. Although there wasn't anything wrong with these activities, I was choosing them for the wrong reasons.  Ken:   After a few years of marriage and a couple of kids, time at home wasn't as fun as it used to be.  I joined a softball team.  I found time to go golfing with friends.  When I was at home, it was more fun to play with the kids than spend time with