We recently went to Disneyland with our adult daughter and our 2 year old
granddaughter. All three adults had high hopes for a fun-filled family time at
the “happiest” place on earth. When naysayers told us we were crazy for taking a two year
old to Disneyland, we scoffed at them. We’ve been there, done this before. But
we hadn’t been there, done that with a toddler.
The crowds, a cranky toddler, and plenty of unmet expectations led to a communication
breakdown that was a debacle for all of us. None of us ended up having much fun
and we left a day early.
Steph: So, what
did I learn? We needed better communication before and during this trip.
Articulating our hopes/expectations in advance
probably would have saved some strife later such as: how we would handle nap
times, crankiness, hunger, and the business of our itinerary. For example, I
expected there might be crowds and we would just roll with it. I also figured
our granddaughter missing her nap for a few days wasn’t a big deal. So, when I
sensed Paul was feeling frustrated by the crowds and the length of time we were
staying in the park, I had an attitude of “get over it.” I judged his negative attitude was getting in
the way of us having fun and my exasperation showed. When Paul tried to express
how he was feeling, instead of listening I had a ready answer. Allowing him to express
his feelings would have been more productive than me sighing and giving him the silent treatment.
Paul: I learned that
talking out what happened afterwards
(well outside the moment) was definitely a good building block to understanding
our different needs for these kinds of situations going forward. Obviously,
this needs to be done with respect and sensitivity in order to be successful. For
example, after the trip, we re-evaluated what went right and what went wrong. I
shared with Steph that maybe our granddaughter was too young for this kind of a
vacation and perhaps she would enjoy it more when she was older. I recalled an
earlier Couples Post article (Taking
Your Marriage on Vacation) about choosing one or two things that are
especially important to each of us ahead of time and making it a point to do
those things. For us, discussing a game plan in advance is an effective way to
resolve conflict and prevent future fallout.
In the end, we took some time after returning home to affirm
what we each did well during the
trip – our daughter’s careful planning of the vacation and attention to her
sick child; Stephanie’s care-taking of all of us including having food
available and lots of words of affirmation; and Paul’s willingness to take on
the long drive and financial planning. Looking for the good in each other helps
us focus on our positive qualities and keeps us grounded as a couple and as a family.
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