Skip to main content

Marriage Magic

Photo Credit:  Jared Lind on Unsplash
 As we become immersed in this holiday season we are drawn to the magic.  Recall the wonder and awe of your childhood, reindeers that fly and a Santa who made dreams come true.  Fast-forward several decades.  Remember the rush of feelings when you knew your spouse was 'the one'.  You reveled in discovering this person who showered you with love and support.
Years later:  Reality check:  Cinderella and Prince Charming is a Fairy Tale.  No  one is perfect and no spouse magically  walks on water.  Enter life with its busyness, stress and an ever-increasing number of social media relationships to distract us.  We change.  Our relationship evolves.

But we don't have to lose the magic.  Marriage magic  can be like a fine wine maturing with age.  Google "Wine Making 101".  It's complicated -- just like marriage.  But with a little TLC and practice both are possible.  For us, choosing to see the goodness in each other and sharing those special qualities with each other is crucial to keeping the magic alive.

(MF)  At the end of the day, I want nothing more than to curl up with Tom and re-charge.  Once rested, I can feel the magic we share.  Whether it's Tom's thoughtfulness in the office, his joy arriving home, his cheerfulness in the kitchen or the twinkle in his eye at my suggestion to go to bed early.  Sharing my appreciation of these qualities with him as I awaken grounds my day in gratitude.  Grounded in reality.  What we have is our reality.  It doesn't change the reality of oversights, my To-Do List, or kittens racing across the dining room table.  But my outlook changes when my attitude is one of gratitude.  Starting my day focused on the goodness that Tom brings to my life is magical for me.

(TOM)  Gratitude for me is appreciating the gifts in my life.  I have so much to be grateful for, but the top of my list is being loved by MF.  Expressing my gratitude in word and action with affirmation and upholding my commitments reflects back to MF the effect of her love for me.  It allows me to be a more generous lover.  When I'm spontaneous in sharing my joy or when I treat MF as the gift she is in my life the magic returns.  The real magic is love and acting on it.

Photo Credit: Cathal Mac an Bheatha on Unsplash
Pining, longing, and wondering "What if?" can be an invitation to look elsewhere to fulfill unmet desires.  Gratitude doesn't have to stifle your growth and lead to complacency.  Let gratitude energize you.  It has been said:  "What we focus on will change what we observe around us."  In this season of giving, focus on the gift of your spouse.  Keep the magic alive.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Great Sex!

Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”
    So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, to be as intimate as possible. Our freq…

Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

Yes, this is a strange twist.  We recently heard about James J Sexton's book, "If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late."  James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.

Marriage Manners Matter

"Fine!" and "Whatever!" These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt.  They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over.  Period. Full stop!"   As married couples, we have probably used these or similar words.  And, if we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline.

Those 2 little words are not  the focus of this blog.

Sex on Days Ending in 'Y'

Lovemaking is one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage.  Yet there are so many impediments and inhibitions to making love once those wonderful Honeymoon years are over.

Tone of Voice

Something that we’ve become increasingly aware of in our marriage is how our tone of voice so significantly affects our communication – for better or for worse! It is remarkable how something so seemingly small can make such a huge impact on whether our communication is healthy, productive, and enriching or debilitating, disheartening, and provocative. Believe it or not, tone of voice is huge. WE would go as far as to say tone of voice is at the root of most of the small hurts we experience in our relationship.
Perhaps it would be easier to make our case using an example. Recently, we were trying to get out of the house to go to church and be on time. I (Stephanie) have to admit I am typically the one who is running behind trying to get one last thing put away or rushing because I did not plan my time well. Paul will often playfully turn the hall light on and off letting me know he is by the door ready and waiting. Usually I will laugh it off and tell him I am coming. This particular…