Skip to main content

Grieving in Isolation

As the Covid-19 quarantine drags on, one thing is clear – we are all collectively grieving.  We lament the loss of our freedom, vacations, jobs, financial stability, sporting events, milestone celebrations, social activities, and missed opportunities, such as holding a newborn grandchild.  We ache for physical touch and long to greet our loved ones with hugs and kisses. Even more acutely, we mourn the loss of beloved family and friends who have died during this time, deprived of the funeral they deserve and keeping us from comfort and closure.    We also grieve the mounting death toll in our communities and our world.

JOHN:  My “grieving in isolation” started in earnest the day we delivered groceries to my sheltering-in-place parents.  We dropped the bags off on the porch and kept an awkward and unnerving distance as they stood inside the open doorway, knowing we could not risk our usual bear hugs. I felt sad when we backed out of the driveway shouting “We Love You!” across their front yard.

JULIE:  I was struggling with the sudden death of my best girlfriend from college when the coronavirus madness hit.  It was as if the rug had been pulled out from under me.  I so desperately wanted to share hugs and time with her family.  I was overwhelmed, completely shutting down at times.  I would lay curled up on the couch, tears streaming down my face as I tried to make sense of it all. 

JOHN:  I wasn’t sure how to help Julie through all of this.  I held her while she cried.  I listened when she needed to talk, but also gave her time alone to get lost in playing music or singing.  I held her hand as we walked around the neighborhood in silence.  I simply tried to be there for her.

JULIE:   John’s attentiveness brought me great comfort. I also learned to not be so hard on myself, allowing myself the freedom to cry when needed and laugh when I can. I felt touched by our kids, family members, and friends reaching out to me from afar.  It’s not the same as hugs, but in this time of quarantine it certainly helps.  Focusing on helping others has also been a soothing balm for my heart.

JOHN:  When our brother-in-law lost his dad a few weeks ago, it was really difficult to not physically be with my sister’s family as they mourned. We sent cards, called often, and texted daily to check in.  We even tried to lighten things up by sending a delivery of their favorite gourmet popcorn. We did what we could to lighten their burden as we all sheltered in place. 

However you are dealing with grief, please know that you are not alone.  For ways to cope, check out


Other Popular Posts

Sex: Spontaneous or Planned . . . Let the Conversation Begin

  Happy New Year to all!  We are so grateful that 2020 is clearly in our rear-view mirror.  What a relief.  The start of a new year is traditionally set aside for reflection and resolutions.  For us, 2021 was no different. We often make couple as well as individual resolutions.  Stress and busyness, age and life in general had cooled our sexual relationship to a slow simmer.  Our 2021 goal is :  " Some is good.  More is better! "  Planned or spontaneous -- all is good! Let the conversation begin.

Tell Her She’s Pretty and Let Him Go Golfing

     Kids say the funniest things. But sometimes, the things they say can teach us a thing or two. Our friends Greg and Cecilia have five children between 1 and 11 years old. They asked their four oldest kids to answer some questions about marriage. Here's what they had to say: Why do people get Married? Because they love each other.  Because they kiss each other. How do you know Mom and Dad love each other?

Verbal Judo – Harmonizing Your Tone of Voice

Some time ago, we wrote about the importance of being aware of the Tone of Voice we use with our spouse. The gist of the post was that our Tone of Voice is the key culprit that begins most disagreements, hurts, and fights between spouses. We want to revisit this important topic and provide some additional helpful hints we’ve learned along the way.

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on... 

Looking Forward with Hope and Promise to 2021

2020 will soon be in our rear-view mirror . . .  We look forward with hope and promise to 2021.     W e at The Couples Post   have shared in a practical way how we are so much stronger together as a couple.  May that strength help us navigate 2021 and beyond. 

The Elf on the Shelf

It’s that time of year – you know, when our kids are all on their best behavior and the most frequent threat you hear parents utter is “Santa is watching!” The latest craze is the Elf on the Shelf. The elf moves around your home, keeping its eye on your kids and causing a little mayhem along the way. Maybe your elf plays a game with a few of the stuffed animals in the house. Perhaps it gets into your cookie jar. Maybe it even spills flour in your kitchen. No matter what, the kids know it’s watching them. So, what if the elf was watching you and your spouse? Would he tell Santa to bring you a present or put a lump of coal in your stocking?

Great Sex!

Photo by  ijeab  /  Freepik     Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”     So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, t

10 Things Women Want

1)  Learn her “Love Language :"   And speak it often! (Learn more:  What Language Are You Speaking? ) Janine’s love language is “Acts of Service.” So, when I vacuum or do dishes or cook, it fills up her ‘love tank' - her mood brightens and there’s a whole different vibe between us.   I can tell I’ve found a direct path to her heart.  

Marriage is a VERB

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb.  It isn't something you get.  It's something you do.  It's the way you love your partner every day."

I Married YOU, Not Your Family

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Growing up and getting married means that we leave our family of origin and start a new family.  We’re not asked to forget about mom and dad, but we do need to remember that our spousal relationship is important to take care of because it becomes the solid ground where we plant our new roots.