Skip to main content

We’re Not Perfect and That’s Normal

You’re scrolling through a social media feed and you see happy selfies, beautiful date nights, a tantalizing plate of chocolate covered strawberries with a caption that says, “My hubby is the best!” You pause and think to yourself, ‘how do they do it?’ Our relationship doesn’t look like that.

Jen: Guess what? Those relationships don’t look like that all the time either. Would they post the picture of an argument in progress? The pile of dirty laundry on the floor and the aggravated spouse staring down at it in exasperation? Most of us paint a pretty picture of ourselves to the world, but no couple relationship is free from arguments, misunderstandings, or disconnects. Marriage isn’t like that.

Nick: Trying to act like everything is ok all the time doesn’t help our relationship.  It puts us in a little silo and closes the door to our connecting with others around us.  We unwittingly fall into a trap only sharing the good things.  We all know people will come out in droves to support friends once a couple has decided to separate, yet we don’t think to check on and encourage each other before the troubles get unmanageable.  Wouldn’t it be better if we were trying to help each other before then?

Jen: Are we also willing to reach out to others when we are struggling? For me, it’s a humbling thought, but the easiest way to tell that struggles are normal is to connect with other couples and talk about what’s going on. This is especially true now. Tensions are high for everyone. We might have kids at home doing distance learning, or one or both of us is not working because of layoffs or furloughs, or we’re just tired of being quarantined. It’s easier for me to be more patient with Nick when we have spent time on a virtual date night with another couple, sharing our struggles.

Nick:  When we’re struggling, it’s good to have friends to connect with, just so we know we’re not crazy.  The other evening, we were chatting with another couple over Zoom.  While we all started off by insisting “we’re ok,” eventually we all opened up about how it’s not so easy to be together in tight quarters all the time.  We love our spouses.  We even like each other most of the time, but every now and then it’s like we hit a maximum dosage of time close together and we need a little breathing room.  Without chatting with our friends and seeing they have also had those moments, it would be easy to believe we’re the only ones who do.

Friendships like these take time to build, but they are well worth it.  We encourage you to reach out to other couples and build the kind of connections that will help you get away from all the too-perfect pictures on social media.

Photo by Andrea Piacquatdio from Pexels


Comments

Other Popular Posts

Great Sex!

Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”
    So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, to be as intimate as possible. Our freq…

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on...

10 Stay at Home Date Night Ideas

Date Night has become a household term in recent years and many couples strive to make this quality time together a priority in our increasingly fast paced lives. Throw some kids into the mix (or in our case a granddaughter), and it’s even harder to carve out quality couple time. Not to worry because finance guru Dave Ramsey has come to our rescue with not only a whole host of date night ideas, but most of them are budget friendly. We’d like to highlight 10 of Dave’s Stay at Home Date Night ideas! 

Marriage Manners Matter

"Fine!" and "Whatever!" These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt.  They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over.  Period. Full stop!"   As married couples, we have probably used these or similar words.  And, if we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline.

Those 2 little words are not  the focus of this blog.

Annual Marriage Tune-Up

A number of years ago, some friends of ours told us about a little trick they use to keep their marriage healthy, strong, and vibrant. Every year, they pledge to attend some kind of marriage enrichment event together. According to our friends, this does not mean weekend getaways to the beach, skiing, or going to a bed and breakfast together.

How to FIX Your Spouse

Does your spouse do anything that absolutely drives you nuts? Would you like to know how to “fix” them once and for all? Read on.

I Married YOU, Not Your Family

Growing up and getting married means that we leave our family of origin and start a new family.  We’re not asked to forget about mom and dad, but we do need to remember that our spousal relationship is important to take care of because it becomes the solid ground where we plant our new roots.

Come On, Baby, Light My Fire

One reason married couples end up together is because there is a physical attraction between them. Some call it chemistry. There are times when we can’t keep our hands off each other.  We make any excuse to be close, to be intimate.

Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

Yes, this is a strange twist.  We recently heard about James J Sexton's book, "If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late."  James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.

Quarantine Romance

We have been under a stay-at-home order for 5 weeks now due to the Coronavirus pandemic.  Just being in the same house together doesn’t ensure a close, intimate relationship though; we must decide to take actions that bring us together.  We decided to view this mandate to stay at home as an opportunity to find new everyday ways to romance each other.