Skip to main content

Changing Our Dance and Learning to Love It


Photo Credit:  John Gibbons on Unsplash

Most of us know someone who thrives on change.  They love to spice things up.  For them, the most maddening phrase is:  "but we've always done it this way."  The rest of us find security in knowing what we know, doing what we do well and living within our comfort zone.  We recently found ourselves at a crossroads in our lives with our medical practice.  The writing on the wall said:  "Don't expect to see a change if you aren't willing to make one."

TOM:  In our old practice, I felt comfortable in charge of the workflow, satisfied with the volume of patients and enjoyed the flexibility in our lives.  Our emphasis was not on a productivity metric that is so common in corporate medicine.  So, despite multiple conversations, it took me awhile to see that our 38-year-old practice model wasn't working and would not provide stability for our patients when we retire.

MF:  I was managing the finances of our practice and saw the writing on the wall.  Talking with Tom about finances and budgets was difficult.  It was hard to be gentle with Tom, especially when I was raised in a family who always paid cash for everything.  For me, our persistent negative cash flow was frightening.  My negativity wasn't working.


Tom can often see the positive in a new situation.  He is the eternal optimist.  I, too, could focus on the positive.  Tom is a great teacher and the change in our practice had the potential to involve increased opportunities for him to teach.  I chose to focus on this opportunity and the gifts an expanded primary care clinic would bring to our community.  I used our longevity of practice in this community, the many peer relationships we have developed to inspire confidence that this could work for the hospital, too.   We could make this work for us and our patients.  Together we wrote a proposal to the hospital describing our plans.  We both knew that this change did not have to extinguish our passion and primary focus on patient care.  I was not in denial, nor did I manipulate.  I simply chose to change my tone and to love Tom into this major change in our lives.  And, I will continue to love him through it.

TOM:  As of April, we became employees in a hospital-based practice.  Not being in charge is sometimes frustrating, but our sole responsibility now is serving our patients which is wonderful.  (And we get paid which is a nice perk.) We had to transition to a new facility with new staff, new patients, a completely new computer program, and a new chain of communication.  We also needed to facilitate transition for our patients.  Change bites nearly everyone especially during a Pandemic when anxieties are heightened.  

Photo Credit:  Raw Pixel

Patience and support have become our gifts to each other as we learn this new dance and steer this ship into harbor.  To say we are enjoying the dance is hyperbole.  The style is new.  The steps are tricky.  The tempo and mood of the Pandemic is ever challenging and changing.  Our key has been Trust.  Trusting each other to both lead and to follow.  The Dance is not yet beautiful.  The hours of practice are long.  But like a slow simmering stew, we trust that balance and beauty will come with time.  What has enabled you to face difficult change in your lives?  Sometimes the reality of the present is not as valuable as what could be.

Comments

Other Popular Posts

Great Sex!

Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”
    So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, to be as intimate as possible. Our freq…

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on...

10 Stay at Home Date Night Ideas

Date Night has become a household term in recent years and many couples strive to make this quality time together a priority in our increasingly fast paced lives. Throw some kids into the mix (or in our case a granddaughter), and it’s even harder to carve out quality couple time. Not to worry because finance guru Dave Ramsey has come to our rescue with not only a whole host of date night ideas, but most of them are budget friendly. We’d like to highlight 10 of Dave’s Stay at Home Date Night ideas! 

Marriage Manners Matter

"Fine!" and "Whatever!" These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt.  They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over.  Period. Full stop!"   As married couples, we have probably used these or similar words.  And, if we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline.

Those 2 little words are not  the focus of this blog.

Annual Marriage Tune-Up

A number of years ago, some friends of ours told us about a little trick they use to keep their marriage healthy, strong, and vibrant. Every year, they pledge to attend some kind of marriage enrichment event together. According to our friends, this does not mean weekend getaways to the beach, skiing, or going to a bed and breakfast together.

How to FIX Your Spouse

Does your spouse do anything that absolutely drives you nuts? Would you like to know how to “fix” them once and for all? Read on.

I Married YOU, Not Your Family

Growing up and getting married means that we leave our family of origin and start a new family.  We’re not asked to forget about mom and dad, but we do need to remember that our spousal relationship is important to take care of because it becomes the solid ground where we plant our new roots.

Come On, Baby, Light My Fire

One reason married couples end up together is because there is a physical attraction between them. Some call it chemistry. There are times when we can’t keep our hands off each other.  We make any excuse to be close, to be intimate.

Quarantine Romance

We have been under a stay-at-home order for 5 weeks now due to the Coronavirus pandemic.  Just being in the same house together doesn’t ensure a close, intimate relationship though; we must decide to take actions that bring us together.  We decided to view this mandate to stay at home as an opportunity to find new everyday ways to romance each other.

Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

Yes, this is a strange twist.  We recently heard about James J Sexton's book, "If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late."  James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.