Overcoming Apathy in our Marriage

Courtesy of Cottonbro on Pexels

Cloudy fall days, work stress, our daughter moving 4 states away… daily political calls, longing to return to normal life... Our souls have felt weary lately. We’ve felt lazy towards our relationship, too: choosing not to resolve little issues when they arise, being less affectionate, watching more TV, and even falling asleep without saying good night. Basically, we’ve been apathetic about life and about our marriage.

Slowly, so that we didn’t even notice it was happening, we had started sitting on separate couches petting our pets instead of cuddling together, sharing only superficially with each other, and generally living our lives a bit separately. We were in a funk, and neither of us were making an effort to snap out of it.

MEL:

I awoke one morning recently and realized that I was vaguely unhappy. I thought, “I need to take some action here or nothing will change at the rate we’re going.” So, I chose to speak with Mark about doing something fun together, and we decided to visit our daughter and her girlfriend in Boston. Enjoying the fall colors between Michigan and Massachusetts, Mark and I began sharing the joys and concerns we had been neglecting to share lately. I felt joyful as we held hands and reconnected on a deep level. During our visit, we hiked, baked, and swapped phone pics and stories. No one checked out during the social time, but instead made the most out of it. I relished the laughter and sharing as our relationship reservoirs were re-filled. I noticed Mark and I were smiling again and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. I had a renewed interest in learning what is going on inside Mark’s heart and mind. I felt enthusiastic, as we re-connected in a way I had been longing for.

MARK:

Shortly after that, we went away for a long weekend with another couple, driving down to Kentucky to explore the Red River Gorge. Something about fresh air and being on a trail together really opens Mel and me up to each other. We playfully joked and enjoyed wonderful conversation as we hiked along. We also enjoyed connecting and chatting with our friends both on the trails and in the cabin as we played games at night. After this trip, Mel and I started to do more things for one another. Mel cuddled up next to me on the couch. I gave Mel a nice neck and back rub which I hadn’t done for some time. Thankfully, once again, we’re noticing the beauty of life and are enjoying smooches, hand holding, and initiating lovemaking. We feel a renewed thankfulness for each other and our life together.

This experience helped us see that, when there’s apathy in our marriage, one of us must make a decision to do something about it. What choice can you make to re-connect on a deep level and bring joy back into your life together?

Courtesy of Anastasiya Lobanovskaya on Pexels

Comments

5 Things Men Want

1. RESPECT: (KEN) : When a man is asked, 'Would you rather be respected or loved?' most would choose being respected. In his book Love and Respect , Dr. E. Eggerichs explains this tendency. (JANINE) : For years, I didn't appreciate how important it was to Ken that I treat him with respect. I also didn't understand how hurtful it was when I dis respected him. When I show Ken respect ( by affirming his decisions, avoiding sarcasm or by not using a demeaning tone) it translates (for him) into feeling 'loved.' Another way to say this is: when a man is dis respected, he receives the message he is NOT loved. 2. SEX:

What Can’t You Afford to Edit out of Your Story?

Michelle: When I was a teenager, I remember coming home after breaking up with a guy and my dad asking me how it went. I gave the inevitable teenage response, “I don’t want to talk about it.” My dad responded, “You don’t have to. But you do need to remember that there are some things in life that you can’t afford to edit out of your story. Is this one of them?”

The 5 "P's" of Constructive Feedback

Photo Credit: Ian Schneider (Reprise of post originally published on 09-16-2019) We once read an article on criticism in marriage. The Author's bottom line was "don't do it." Even asking: "Can I give you some feedback?" was cautioned against. Sometimes suggestions given with the best intent with regard to work, chores, relationships with the kids can back fire. Think back seat driving. Experience has taught us 5 Key Points for when we just want to give each other a little suggestion. These 5 simple points set the tone and enable us to let down our defenses and be supportive of each other when offering a little constructive feedback.

Remember When...

It's easy to get lost in our day-to-day. Once we're out of the honeymoon phase of marriage and real life settles in, we develop routines and patterns of behavior. We become consumed by the here and now, and sometimes we can lose sight of the excitement and passion that brought us together and inspired us to get married in the first place.

The Healing Power of Touch

Our last blog explored a super power we all have within us – the Super Power of Affirmation. But did you know that you possess another Super Power? It’s the Healing Power of Touch. Holy Hole in a Doughnut, Batman! Bet you didn’t know you had all that in you!

Easter Greetings!

Dear Readers, As Spring unfolds and we continue to recover from this pandemic, there could not be a more wonderful time to nurture relationship growth. Wishing you a Happy Easter and a Springtime of Promise. From all of us at TheCouplesPost

When All Else Fails . . . Eat Ice Cream

For many of us the COVID honeymoon is long over. Isolation, loss of routines, access to the gym, financial worries, working from home and changing school schedules has had us stretched too thin too long. We'd rather eat an entire loaf of bread than bake one and if we hear how much someone enjoys the extra time with their kids we'll scream! This is COVID Stress. We've all experienced it.

10 Things Women Want

1) Learn her “Love Language :" And speak it often! (Learn more: What Language Are You Speaking? ) Janine’s love language is “Acts of Service.” So, when I vacuum or do dishes or cook, it fills up her ‘love tank' - her mood brightens and there’s a whole different vibe between us. I can tell I’ve found a direct path to her heart.

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again? Sex in marriage is more important than most people think. It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on...

Getting More of What You Want in Your Marriage

Recently, we attended a work-shop on how to incorporate more positivity into our lives. We were reminded how easily the challenges of life can dominate our thinking. This can be especially true where our couple relationship is concerned. Have you ever thought, “He never gives me any affection” or “She always nags me”?

The Couples Post

Search This Blog