Julie: When our kids were small, it was easy to keep peace in the nest. Mama and Daddy bird had the final say and that was it. Ah, little kids, little problems. Things got a little trickier as those baby birds grew into fledglings. As our kids grew and stretched their wings, they asserted their increasing independence and often challenged our rules and decisions. As young adults who have left the nest, they are more respectful when they return home, but things can still get a little tense as we are still their parents and they are still our kids.
John: We recently had
the opportunity to have both of our out-of-state daughters home, one each on
two consecutive long weekends. It was
wonderful to have them here, back in their old bedrooms, sitting around
chatting in our family room like in the old days. Along with the many aspects of their visit
that delighted us, there were definitely a few irritating moments when they
slipped back into their old behaviors.
This isn’t the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last,
but fortunately, we were all able to move beyond the tension fairly quickly so
that the rest of the visit was truly memorable.
Julie: We have come
up with 4 ways to help make the most of our kids’ visits home, create harmony,
and have a great time:
1. Be clear about expectations. When we awoke to a messy kitchen and
bathroom, we gently reminded them that we expect them to please clean up after
themselves. It didn’t happen again.
2.
Find the right balance between family and friends. Since they were home for only a few days, we
wanted to maximize the time they had with extended family. We also, however, respected their desire to
spend time with their old friends in the area. We carefully planned the weekends
ahead of time, with their input, to find the right balance.
3.
Put trust first, worry second. Each of our daughters asked to have one of our
cars for evening outings while they were home. We readily agreed and also just
as readily let them know that we wanted them to be careful and stay safe,
especially as the pandemic rages on.
4.
Plan for some quiet face-to-face time – just
the three of us. We made sure to
reserve a few unstructured hours where we could be together, just the three of
us. We wanted them to know that time with
them was still a very high priority for us. Whether chilling together on the
couch, playing a game of cards, or hiking while enjoying the beautiful fall
colors, we created the opportunity for great conversations to take place.
John: While we enjoy the freedom of having an empty
nest, we have found that having the empty nest repopulated can be incredibly joyful
and brings a lightheartedness to our relationship long after the kids are gone.
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