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Let's Talk about Sex

Let's Talk about Sex

       The messages we see in the media and things we see or experience prior to marriage can create misguided ideas or 'sex-pectations.'  The level of satisfaction or dysfunction that couples experience in this area can vary immensely.  No matter how broken, tolerable, or okay this part of your marriage is, we urge you to move towards a better understanding of each other.  Ideally, we would view physical love making as a gift that's intended to draw us closer to our spouse - a wonderful, bonding experience that communicates love in the most powerful way.  

       We offer this list as a starting point to help you ponder your underlying attitudes and expectations about sex.  

Circle whether you agree or disagree with the following statements.  

The best sex is spontaneous. 
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

Talking about sex ruins it.   
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

Making love is a good way to solve problems/arguments.
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree     

Sex is more pleasurable for men.  
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

Orgasm is always necessary. 
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

I am uncomfortable lying naked with you if sex is not the outcome.
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

Only women want/need foreplay. 
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

The "success" of a sexual relationship is the man's responsibility. 
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

Men never say 'No' to sex. 
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

Sex is a physical instinct. 
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

Sex is always good. 
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

You shouldn't start something you can't finish.  
        Agree - Neutral - Disagree 

                                               
Questions to ponder or discuss: 
  1. Does it feel awkward or uncomfortable for me to have a conversation about sex with you?
  2. What were some of my 'sex-pectations' coming into marriage?    
  3. Do I see value in starting the conversation with you regarding our sexual relationship?  
  4. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 1 being "No way, can't go there." and 10 being "I could talk about this anytime.") how comfortable am I discussing sex with you?
  5. What inhibits me in our sexual relationship? 
  6. How do I feel when you undress in front of me? 
  7. How do I feel when I undress in front of you? 
  8. How does the 'busyness' of our lives affect our lovemaking? 
  9. What do we need to do to make our lovemaking a priority? 
  10. How do my past experiences affect our lovemaking?
  11. Do I fear pregnancy? 
  12. How has pregnancy/children/aging changed our sexual relationship? 
  13. Have I ever felt sexually inadequate? 
  14. How do I fee when you say, "No."?
  15. How do I feel when you say, "Yes."?

    Our sexual relationship can be a source of deep loneliness or great intimacy.  When we discuss this subject in a healthy way, we greatly expand our capacity to love.  



    

                                               

  

                                          

                                                  



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