Emotional Bank Account

Emotional Bank Account

Stephen Covey in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People coined the phrase Emotional Bank Account. This is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that has been built up in any relationship. Life Coaches, Leadership Seminars and Counselors have all used it. It is the sense of being safe around another person, be he/she a spouse, friend or business partner.

This metaphor is based upon the concept of keeping a positive balance in a bank account. You need to deposit regularly in order to make a withdrawal or risk an over draft.

In a marriage relationship these emotional deposits may be simple gestures like random acts of kindness, little courtesies, affirming your spouse, asking questions to really understand him/her, keeping commitments, being honest and trustworthy. Emotional withdrawals are the mistakes we occasionally make like being late, forgetting something, letting our anger or hurt lead to an unkind remark or curt tone. A rich emotional bank account can handle an occasional withdrawal, especially if it is accompanied by a sincere apology. But let your account get too low and you risk an overdraft.

NEVER obsess with reconciling this account i.e. 'keeping score.' There is no dollar value to the trust that is deposited or withdrawn from the Emotional Bank Account. Trust in your love!

Comments

Great Sex!

Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”
So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, to be as intimate as possible. Our freq…

Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

Yes, this is a strange twist. We recently heard about James J Sexton's book, "If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late." James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.

Marriage Manners Matter

"Fine!" and "Whatever!" These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt. They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over. Period. Full stop!" As married couples, we have probably used these or similar words. And, if we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline.

Those 2 little words are not the focus of this blog.

Tone of Voice

Something that we’ve become increasingly aware of in our marriage is how our tone of voice so significantly affects our communication – for better or for worse! It is remarkable how something so seemingly small can make such a huge impact on whether our communication is healthy, productive, and enriching or debilitating, disheartening, and provocative. Believe it or not, tone of voice is huge. WE would go as far as to say tone of voice is at the root of most of the small hurts we experience in our relationship.
Perhaps it would be easier to make our case using an example. Recently, we were trying to get out of the house to go to church and be on time. I (Stephanie) have to admit I am typically the one who is running behind trying to get one last thing put away or rushing because I did not plan my time well. Paul will often playfully turn the hall light on and off letting me know he is by the door ready and waiting. Usually I will laugh it off and tell him I am coming. This particular…

Sex on Days Ending in 'Y'

Lovemaking is one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage. Yet there are so many impediments and inhibitions to making love once those wonderful Honeymoon years are over.

The Couples Post

Search This Blog