Emotional Bank Account
Stephen Covey in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People coined the phrase Emotional Bank Account. This is a metaphor that describes the amount
of trust that has been built up in any relationship. Life Coaches, Leadership Seminars and
Counselors have all used it. It is the
sense of being safe around another person, be he/she a spouse, friend or
business partner.
This
metaphor is based upon the concept of keeping a positive balance in a bank
account. You need to deposit regularly
in order to make a withdrawal or risk an over draft.
In a
marriage relationship these emotional
deposits may be simple gestures like random acts of kindness, little
courtesies, affirming your spouse, asking questions to really understand
him/her, keeping commitments, being honest and trustworthy. Emotional withdrawals are the
mistakes we occasionally make like being late, forgetting something, letting our
anger or hurt lead to an unkind remark or curt tone. A rich emotional bank
account can handle an occasional withdrawal, especially if it is accompanied by
a sincere apology. But let your account
get too low and you risk an overdraft.
NEVER obsess with reconciling this account i.e. 'keeping
score.' There is no dollar value to the trust that is deposited or withdrawn
from the Emotional Bank Account.
Trust in your love!
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