How to Foster Teamwork - A Starter List

· Discuss expectations before starting a project or free time spent together

· As a couple, discuss priorities to spend your time

· Make time commitments together as a couple

· Look at individual gifts and how to best use them for your relationship

· CHOOSE your attitude before starting work together

o Choose to support your spouse’s to-do’s, job, dreams, etc.

o Other-centeredness, generosity & selflessness vs. independence, self-absorption & stubbornness

o Focus on why you married each other

o Choose to believe that your spouse’s intentions are positive

· Examine behaviors when you struggle with teamwork

o What do my words tell my spouse?

o What does my tone of voice and body language convey? I’m impatient, I don’t care, I’m irritated, I have no time for you

o Am I avoiding? Am I being passive aggressive?

· Be open to compromise

o Recognize that there is your way, my way, and many other ways to get something done that we haven’t even considered yet

o Let go of the need to be right, need for control, need to accomplish MY stuff

· Communicate openly and in a spirit of love by asking questions to better understand the other’s needs, motivations, and feelings:

o What do you think we should do?

o Why is this important to you?

o What would you like for me to do to support you?

o What can I do better?

· Joke and have fun together!

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1. RESPECT: (KEN) : When a man is asked, 'Would you rather be respected or loved?' most would choose being respected. In his book Love and Respect , Dr. E. Eggerichs explains this tendency. (JANINE) : For years, I didn't appreciate how important it was to Ken that I treat him with respect. I also didn't understand how hurtful it was when I dis respected him. When I show Ken respect ( by affirming his decisions, avoiding sarcasm or by not using a demeaning tone) it translates (for him) into feeling 'loved.' Another way to say this is: when a man is dis respected, he receives the message he is NOT loved. 2. SEX:

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Photo Credit: Ian Schneider (Reprise of post originally published on 09-16-2019) We once read an article on criticism in marriage. The Author's bottom line was "don't do it." Even asking: "Can I give you some feedback?" was cautioned against. Sometimes suggestions given with the best intent with regard to work, chores, relationships with the kids can back fire. Think back seat driving. Experience has taught us 5 Key Points for when we just want to give each other a little suggestion. These 5 simple points set the tone and enable us to let down our defenses and be supportive of each other when offering a little constructive feedback.

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Recently, we attended a work-shop on how to incorporate more positivity into our lives. We were reminded how easily the challenges of life can dominate our thinking. This can be especially true where our couple relationship is concerned. Have you ever thought, “He never gives me any affection” or “She always nags me”?

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