The Couples Post

"Intentional" is a popular buzzword these days.  We are intentional in the workplace, in the way we handle our finances, our fitness routine, and the way we raise and discipline our children.  The list goes on and on and for good reason.  Intentional means to do something deliberately, consciously or with purpose.  It means it didn't happen on a whim; someone planned for it to happen and persisted until it happened.

We recently went to Disneyland with our adult daughter and our 2 year old granddaughter. All three adults had high hopes for a fun-filled family time at the “happiest” place on earth. When naysayers told us we were crazy for taking a two year old to Disneyland, we scoffed at them. We’ve been there, done this before. But we hadn’t been there, done that with a toddler. The crowds, a cranky toddler, and plenty of unmet expectations led to a communication breakdown that was a debacle for all of us. None of us ended up having much fun and we left a day early.

Ken:  In 2016 I began working short term job assignments, which has given us the opportunity to live in 5 different states within a very short time.  If someone had told us 5 or 10 years ago that we'd be away from our home 95% of the year we wouldn't have believed it.  Since our kids are all grown and gone, we decided to give it a try - for at least a few months - and here we are 3 years later, still loving it. Most people probably won't have the opportunity to pick up and live this way, but we hope you might benefit from some of the lessons we've learned along the way.

Nick: Call it a “sixth sense,” but I can tell when my kids’ eyes are on Jen and me.  I can practically hear their eyes rolling whenever we touch each other.
When I come home and take a moment to find Jen and embrace her, and I meet one of our kids’ eyes, I’m treated to a facial expression that says “get a room.”  Though I should know better than to let it bother me, I have to admit, it’s still a challenge for me.  I didn’t grow up in a very touchy-feely home, so my knee-jerk reaction to getting the stare from one of our children is to want to jump back from Jen like we’re two kids dancing too close together in junior high when the grown-ups walk by.
Seriously though, what is the alternative?  Everywhere I go, I see couples with kids between them.  Sitting in movie theaters and on their couches at home, mom – kids – dad, sending the message:  kids first and spouse second.  If we let that become the norm, we’re asking for trouble.  We worry about our affection being too uncomfortable, but…