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Showing posts from June, 2018

Making Up is Hard to Do

Making up is Hard to Do           Every married couple has conflicts- sometimes over the littlest things. Most conflicts are a result of our  unmet expectations - I expected  this ,  but instead  that  happened. We begin to feel hurt or disappointed. We begin to think we're disresp ected or that we’re unloved. In the first 5 years of our marriage, the silent treatment was our ‘go-to’ strategy.  We brushed our problems under the rug and hoped they would go away.  It’s taken us years to figure out that NOT talking about those little disappointments was NOT a good strategy. Eventually, we learned to deal with the small irritations as they happen, rather than letting them build up until there’s a big eruption.  One Friday evening, one of us made plans to get together with friends, not knowing the other one of us had been hoping for a quiet movie night at home. When we told each other of our plans a disagreement broke out- the walls went up, and there was that proverbial  silen

The Soul Mate Myth

One of the unique things we share with couples preparing for marriage is what we affectionately dub, “the Soul Mate myth.” Somewhere in the weaving of our cultural tapestry in America, a piece of fabric was sown in proclaiming that in order to be eternally happy, each person must find his or her soul mate – the one special person out there meant specifically for them. The myth contends that if you find your soul mate, you will go through married life with ease. Of course, the natural response for many people who experience trouble in their marriage is to resort to the belief that they must not have found their soul mate. If they had, they wouldn’t be experiencing marital strife. And thus, they dissolve the marriage and begin looking for their true   soul mate. In our humble opinion, the idea of a soul mate is entirely off the mark from reality and truth. From our 31 year journey through married life, we’ve had our share of discord and trouble. We’ve not been unscathed in our ma