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Showing posts from September, 2018

What Language are You Speaking?

We've all been there...We're doing or saying something to show our spouse we love them, and they don't even notice! For me (Ken), it's natural to show Janine my love by holding her hand or giving her a surprise hug or kiss.  Sometimes though, these gestures are not appreciated- or even outright rejected.  What the heck!  What does she want? There were many times when I (Janine) would DO things for Ken, to SHOW him my love, yet he seemed completely oblivious.  I THOUGHT by cleaning the house, putting away his laundry, or paying the bills, he would KNOW I loved him.  He was trying to tell me he loved my by hugging me or holding my hand, when I just wished he would sweep the kitchen floor or offer to make dinner. Then we read a book by Dr. Gary Chapman, called The 5 Love Languages .  Chapman explains that we each have a primary love language.  We tend to "speak" (show love) in "our" language.  We also understand love from others best when it i

Date Nights

In July we wrote a post on Romance, simple and spontaneous.   We described it as a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love and remoteness from every day life and promised a post on dating.  One of our favorite quotes from Mignon McLaughlin, author and journalist is: "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."  This is why "Date Nights" are so important. They take us back to why we fell in love all over again.  Everyday "Romance" makes us crave those "Date Nights."  We have found both to be important in our 38 plus years of marriage. Our lives can be so busy and full with work, exercise and kid activities too numerous to count, it is easy to feel frustrated and resentful.  We begin to judge that we are taken for granted.   A Date Night involves creating a unique and special space for each other, something out of the ordinary.  It doesn't have to be expensive -- candlelight, win

Moving – Marriage Tester or Marriage Bester

For the fifth time in our 32 year marriage, we recently  packed up our belongings to move to another home. This time, it was to obtain a bit more space for our adult daughter (a single mother) and our 10 month old granddaughter to live with us. While we were perfectly content after having downsized 10 years ago into a smaller space, we foundourselves needing to upsize again. Of course, none of this was in our “plan,” but that’s the way life goes sometimes isn’t it? In the midst of packing, sorting, organizing and deciding what needed to come with us and what didn’t, we found ourselves laughing, joking, singing, and generally joyful during the chaos (we even gave each other new Native American Names: Frantic Packing Weasel and Ferrel Moving Cat). Now, this was unusual since moving is normally a stressful time. But this time was different and when we talked about why that was, here’s what we came up with. Instead of being focused on the stresses of packing and the difficulty of change

What is Sexy?

We have been married for over 24 years and our attraction to each other is as strong as ever.   So, we asked ourselves what has been our secret to lasting passion in our marriage?   Sex appeal can be very subjective.   What is sexy to one is not to another.   How do we navigate these preferences within our marriage?   What can we do to make sure our marital sexual relationship is filled with blazing passion that lasts?   If you are on the edge of your seat waiting for the answer, you are in for a treat. We have found that the one thing that has had the biggest impact on our sexual relationship is talking about it.   This may sound crazy to some, and we have definitely fumbled our way through different discussions about sex throughout our marriage.   Yet, it has proven to be valuable in creating great intimacy, understanding and renewed passion in our relationship.  When Mel and I were first married, I thought my self-confidence and providing security for Mel was what she fo