The Couples Post

Marriage Mentors… got one?

Mark’s parents have been married 53 years and are an amazing example of a successful marriage. We are so grateful for the way Mom & Dad have mentored us throughout our 24 years of marriage.

Mom and Dad’s regular phone calls have not only taught us to stay in frequent contact with all our family, but have kept communication lines open and strong. Often deep discussions provide us support in our marriage and in parenting. They listen when we need a sounding board, and only give advice when we ask for it. Their phone calls have been comforting and life-giving over the years.

Through our life challenges, Mom & Dad have been there when we need a shoulder to cry on, to listen to us vent, and to suggest ways to cope.

The four of us discuss different aspects of our relationship. For example, how we communicate and miscommunicate (then resolve it), or the way we compromise when we disagree. Mark’s a lot like Dad, and Mel’s a lot like Mom. As a result, our marriages have many parallels. These conversations show us how to stand the test of time and tell us that we’re on the right track if we’re like they are! Being able to talk with Mom & Dad is a great support for our marriage.

Mom glows as she tells us that Dad washes her car every Wednesday. They do so many thoughtful little things for each other and inspire us to find new ways to do the same.

We have even gotten to where we can joke about our sexual relationships (nothing too detailed!). It started one year when we were newly married; Dad shared that his New Year’s resolution was to have sex every day of the year. Ha! We just had to laugh! At first it was a little bit embarrassing to talk about sex with Mom & Dad, but over time we grew more comfortable. Further, their desire to still flirt, keep the passion burning bright, and share their love with their family taught us to do the same. As a result, we’ve strived to be open with our kids too. They are used to it now, and shared with us this year that we are their role models for how to have a strong marriage. Wow.

If you already have a mentor couple like we do, then consider yourself blessed. If not, we encourage you to seek one out. We especially like to spend time with older couples, who can show us how to have a successful, happy marriage. They teach us how to make our love last for decades.

Comments

5 Things Men Want

1. RESPECT: (KEN) : When a man is asked, 'Would you rather be respected or loved?' most would choose being respected. In his book Love and Respect , Dr. E. Eggerichs explains this tendency. (JANINE) : For years, I didn't appreciate how important it was to Ken that I treat him with respect. I also didn't understand how hurtful it was when I dis respected him. When I show Ken respect ( by affirming his decisions, avoiding sarcasm or by not using a demeaning tone) it translates (for him) into feeling 'loved.' Another way to say this is: when a man is dis respected, he receives the message he is NOT loved. 2. SEX:

What Can’t You Afford to Edit out of Your Story?

Michelle: When I was a teenager, I remember coming home after breaking up with a guy and my dad asking me how it went. I gave the inevitable teenage response, “I don’t want to talk about it.” My dad responded, “You don’t have to. But you do need to remember that there are some things in life that you can’t afford to edit out of your story. Is this one of them?”

The 5 "P's" of Constructive Feedback

Photo Credit: Ian Schneider (Reprise of post originally published on 09-16-2019) We once read an article on criticism in marriage. The Author's bottom line was "don't do it." Even asking: "Can I give you some feedback?" was cautioned against. Sometimes suggestions given with the best intent with regard to work, chores, relationships with the kids can back fire. Think back seat driving. Experience has taught us 5 Key Points for when we just want to give each other a little suggestion. These 5 simple points set the tone and enable us to let down our defenses and be supportive of each other when offering a little constructive feedback.

Remember When...

It's easy to get lost in our day-to-day. Once we're out of the honeymoon phase of marriage and real life settles in, we develop routines and patterns of behavior. We become consumed by the here and now, and sometimes we can lose sight of the excitement and passion that brought us together and inspired us to get married in the first place.

The Healing Power of Touch

Our last blog explored a super power we all have within us – the Super Power of Affirmation. But did you know that you possess another Super Power? It’s the Healing Power of Touch. Holy Hole in a Doughnut, Batman! Bet you didn’t know you had all that in you!

Easter Greetings!

Dear Readers, As Spring unfolds and we continue to recover from this pandemic, there could not be a more wonderful time to nurture relationship growth. Wishing you a Happy Easter and a Springtime of Promise. From all of us at TheCouplesPost

When All Else Fails . . . Eat Ice Cream

For many of us the COVID honeymoon is long over. Isolation, loss of routines, access to the gym, financial worries, working from home and changing school schedules has had us stretched too thin too long. We'd rather eat an entire loaf of bread than bake one and if we hear how much someone enjoys the extra time with their kids we'll scream! This is COVID Stress. We've all experienced it.

10 Things Women Want

1) Learn her “Love Language :" And speak it often! (Learn more: What Language Are You Speaking? ) Janine’s love language is “Acts of Service.” So, when I vacuum or do dishes or cook, it fills up her ‘love tank' - her mood brightens and there’s a whole different vibe between us. I can tell I’ve found a direct path to her heart.

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again? Sex in marriage is more important than most people think. It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on...

Getting More of What You Want in Your Marriage

Recently, we attended a work-shop on how to incorporate more positivity into our lives. We were reminded how easily the challenges of life can dominate our thinking. This can be especially true where our couple relationship is concerned. Have you ever thought, “He never gives me any affection” or “She always nags me”?