The Couples Post

Marriage Mentors… got one?

Mark’s parents have been married 53 years and are an amazing example of a successful marriage. We are so grateful for the way Mom & Dad have mentored us throughout our 24 years of marriage.

Mom and Dad’s regular phone calls have not only taught us to stay in frequent contact with all our family, but have kept communication lines open and strong. Often deep discussions provide us support in our marriage and in parenting. They listen when we need a sounding board, and only give advice when we ask for it. Their phone calls have been comforting and life-giving over the years.

Through our life challenges, Mom & Dad have been there when we need a shoulder to cry on, to listen to us vent, and to suggest ways to cope.

The four of us discuss different aspects of our relationship. For example, how we communicate and miscommunicate (then resolve it), or the way we compromise when we disagree. Mark’s a lot like Dad, and Mel’s a lot like Mom. As a result, our marriages have many parallels. These conversations show us how to stand the test of time and tell us that we’re on the right track if we’re like they are! Being able to talk with Mom & Dad is a great support for our marriage.

Mom glows as she tells us that Dad washes her car every Wednesday. They do so many thoughtful little things for each other and inspire us to find new ways to do the same.

We have even gotten to where we can joke about our sexual relationships (nothing too detailed!). It started one year when we were newly married; Dad shared that his New Year’s resolution was to have sex every day of the year. Ha! We just had to laugh! At first it was a little bit embarrassing to talk about sex with Mom & Dad, but over time we grew more comfortable. Further, their desire to still flirt, keep the passion burning bright, and share their love with their family taught us to do the same. As a result, we’ve strived to be open with our kids too. They are used to it now, and shared with us this year that we are their role models for how to have a strong marriage. Wow.

If you already have a mentor couple like we do, then consider yourself blessed. If not, we encourage you to seek one out. We especially like to spend time with older couples, who can show us how to have a successful, happy marriage. They teach us how to make our love last for decades.

Comments

Great Sex!

Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”
So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, to be as intimate as possible. Our freq…

Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

Yes, this is a strange twist. We recently heard about James J Sexton's book, "If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late." James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.

Marriage Manners Matter

"Fine!" and "Whatever!" These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt. They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over. Period. Full stop!" As married couples, we have probably used these or similar words. And, if we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline.

Those 2 little words are not the focus of this blog.

Sex on Days Ending in 'Y'

Lovemaking is one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage. Yet there are so many impediments and inhibitions to making love once those wonderful Honeymoon years are over.

Tone of Voice

Something that we’ve become increasingly aware of in our marriage is how our tone of voice so significantly affects our communication – for better or for worse! It is remarkable how something so seemingly small can make such a huge impact on whether our communication is healthy, productive, and enriching or debilitating, disheartening, and provocative. Believe it or not, tone of voice is huge. WE would go as far as to say tone of voice is at the root of most of the small hurts we experience in our relationship.
Perhaps it would be easier to make our case using an example. Recently, we were trying to get out of the house to go to church and be on time. I (Stephanie) have to admit I am typically the one who is running behind trying to get one last thing put away or rushing because I did not plan my time well. Paul will often playfully turn the hall light on and off letting me know he is by the door ready and waiting. Usually I will laugh it off and tell him I am coming. This particular…