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Play’s The Thing!
Paul: Anyone who knows us, knows that we’re not going to go down in history for our sense of spontaneity and silliness. We’re serious people. But some years ago good friends of ours encouraged us to take a break from the consistent seriousness and make time for play. They said playfulness in our marriage can help us keep some perspective when the trials of daily life get us down.
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Good Grief
Learning how to grieve as a couple has been a process. Ten years ago, we stumbled through intense grief together for the first time when Mel’s Dad died. Together we learned to navigate the memories, tears, and the occasional meltdown.
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Lovemaking in the Context of Healing
A wonderful aspect of our lovemaking is the emotional bonding that is such a gift to our relationship. This intimate bonding can enable healing after conflict and even in the midst of conflict. Lovemaking can be like a dance, one may pursue while the other hesitates. Often I find lovemaking opens me to intimacy while Mary Frances finds she needs to experience intimacy to be open to lovemaking. The “dance” is meeting enough in the middle that this mystery can continue to enrich our marriage.
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Is It Wrong To Feel This Way?
Have you ever felt a certain way and felt guilty about it? Before condemning ourselves, we have to acknowledge one thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong. Feelings have no morality, they just happen spontaneously, like a sneeze. If I feel angry or jealous or whatever, having the feeling is not the problem. It’s what I choose to do with the feeling (my actions) that can be right or wrong.