I (Mel)
used to feel irritated and isolated when Mark was sick, as he’d clam up and
shut down. In addition to the daily care
of our kids, pets, and household, it seemed to me that I had an additional
child to care for. I felt burdened by
the extra work of caring for Mark, and I wore myself down caring for everyone
else. Yet, when I was sick, I was
expected to continue in my usual role and take care of myself. How fair was that?
Early on in
our marriage when I was sick, I prioritized my energy to get work done or to
help me to get back to work. I isolated
myself, telling myself it was best for everyone if I was alone. I contributed nothing to our home and family
life at these times.
Over
time, as Mark and I learned to communicate better, we discussed what we wanted
the other to do for us when we’re sick. I realized that Mark didn’t expect me to do
everything I thought he did. Turns out I
had been placing much of the burden on my shoulders myself.
Somehow just
telling her what I need when I am sick and hearing what Mel needs from me when
she is sick greatly simplified things. I
had a nice little list of things to do that was easy to follow. Rather than expecting Mel to push through when
she was sick, I ran interference with the kids so she could nap for a couple of
hours. She was in better spirits,
recovered sooner, and had more patience with me and our children.
When Mark
was sick for a week this winter, I realized that I finally wanted to take care
of him with all my heart. I hated to see
him feeling so sick and I was happy to pick up the slack so he could rest and
heal. We talked about how it’s now a joy
to do this for each other.
These days,
I don’t look so much at the things I do for Mel when she is sick, but the
spirit in which I do these things. Doing
all that I can to tenderly care for Mel is showing her the fullness of my
love. It is the best way I know how to
strive to keep the promise I made to her on our wedding day.
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