Skip to main content

3 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage

People are not getting married in large numbers and why would they? Statistics show that about half of all marriages end in divorce. Television shows and movies often depict marriage in a negative light while leading viewers to celebrate when a character has an affair like it is inevitable and desirable. While no two marriages are exactly alike, there are some very basic and proven ways to “affair-proof” your marriage.

Openness and Transparency
Openness and transparency in our marriage starts with an attitude of the heart where I allow myself to be vulnerable to Paul.  If I begin to keep emotional secrets-holding back my thoughts and feelings- then I run the risk of keeping other secrets.  Secrets between spouses can lead to trouble. Finances that are not co-mingled can lead to “secret” credit card accounts and/or hidden savings. These can facilitate an affair much more easily than if both spouses are have full knowledge of their financial holdings. Lack of disclosure about where I am going and with whom signals an “attitude of independence” or” I have a right to my time”. These attitudes get in the way of my intimacy with Paul because they indicate a lack trust.  When couples keep things hidden from each other on the computer, whether it’s social media accounts or pornography makes building trust difficult . The couples we know who are in the most secure, loving, and nurturing relationships, do not keep these kinds of things hidden from each other.

Positive Affirmation
The more loving, affirming, and positive couples are toward each other, the more secure they feel in the relationship and the less likely they are to stray from their vows. As we mentioned in our last post, words matter.  Looking for ways to positively affirm your spouse is life-giving – “You’re so good at...”, “I appreciate that you…”, “I admire the way you…” These are words that build Steph up and help her to know she is loved right now in that moment. Of course, the words I choose can have the opposite effect – “Why do you always do that?!” “You never listen to me…”, “Why can’t you be more like…” If a person hears enough put downs (subtle or overt), it’s only a matter of time before she seeks affirmation from someplace (or someone) else.

Spiritual Strength
Without stepping on anyone’s religious toes, please allow us to point out the truth of a statement you may have heard: “The couple that prays together, stays together.” It’s a fact that in our relationship the more devoted we have become to practicing our faith together, praying together, and worshipping together  the more steadfast and fully committed to our marriage we are. Adhering to virtue not only helps keep us on the “straight and narrow,” it actually promotes strong marital health and happiness.
We strive to be proactive in creating a strong and loving bond in our marriage. This requires us to evaluate our attitudes and behaviors from time to time to see if they are creating distance or unity. While we may not be shielded from the ups and downs in life, we are fortifying our relationship to withstand them.


Other Popular Posts

5 Things Men Want

1. RESPECT: (KEN) : When a man is asked, 'Would you rather be respected or loved?' most would choose being respected.  In his book Love and Respect , Dr. E. Eggerichs explains this tendency.   (JANINE) : For years, I didn't appreciate how important it was to Ken that I treat him with respect.  I also didn't understand how hurtful it was when I dis respected him.  When I show Ken respect ( by affirming his decisions,  avoiding sarcasm or by not using a demeaning tone) it translates (for him) into feeling 'loved.'  Another way to say this is: when a man is dis respected, he receives the message he is NOT loved. 2.  SEX:  

What Can’t You Afford to Edit out of Your Story?

Michelle: When I was a teenager, I remember coming home after breaking up with a guy and my dad asking me how it went. I gave the inevitable teenage response, “I don’t want to talk about it.” My dad responded, “You don’t have to. But you do need to remember that there are some things in life that you can’t afford to edit out of your story. Is this one of them?”

The 5 "P's" of Constructive Feedback

Photo Credit:  Ian Schneider (Reprise of post originally published on 09-16-2019) We once read an article on criticism in marriage.  The Author's bottom line was "don't do it."  Even asking: "Can I give you some feedback?" was cautioned against.  Sometimes suggestions given with the best intent with regard to work, chores, relationships with the kids can back fire.  Think back seat driving.  Experience has taught us 5 Key Points for when we just want to give each other a little suggestion.  These 5 simple points set the tone and enable us to let down our defenses and be supportive of each other when offering a little constructive feedback.   

Remember When...

It's easy to get lost in our day-to-day. Once we're out of the honeymoon phase of marriage and real life settles in, we develop routines and patterns of behavior. We become consumed by the here and now, and sometimes we can lose sight of the excitement and passion that brought us together and inspired us to get married in the first place.

The Healing Power of Touch

  Our last blog explored a super power we all have within us – the Super Power of Affirmation.    But did you know that you possess another Super Power?  It’s the Healing Power of Touch.  Holy Hole in a Doughnut, Batman!  Bet you didn’t know you had all that in you!

Easter Greetings!

 Dear Readers, As Spring unfolds and we continue to recover from this pandemic, there could not be a more wonderful time to nurture relationship growth. Wishing you a Happy Easter and a Springtime of Promise. From all of us at TheCouplesPost

When All Else Fails . . . Eat Ice Cream

For many of us the COVID honeymoon is long over.  Isolation, loss of routines, access to the gym, financial worries, working from home and changing school schedules has had us stretched too thin too long.  We'd rather eat an entire loaf of bread than bake one and if we hear how much someone enjoys the extra time with their kids we'll scream!  This is COVID Stress.  We've all experienced it.

10 Things Women Want

1)  Learn her “Love Language :"   And speak it often! (Learn more:  What Language Are You Speaking? ) Janine’s love language is “Acts of Service.” So, when I vacuum or do dishes or cook, it fills up her ‘love tank' - her mood brightens and there’s a whole different vibe between us.   I can tell I’ve found a direct path to her heart.  

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on... 

Getting More of What You Want in Your Marriage

Recently, we attended a work-shop on how to incorporate more positivity into our lives. We were reminded how easily the challenges of life can dominate our thinking. This can be especially true where our couple relationship is concerned. Have you ever thought, “He never gives me any affection” or “She always nags me”?