One of the most challenging things in our marriage was
learning to raise responsible, caring, well-adjusted children. Now that our
children are adults, we are back to child-rearing mode with our two year old
granddaughter who lives with us. Here
are 6 lessons we’ve learned.
Steph: Consistency –
When our children were very young, we discussed what values/behaviors were
important to us such as: being respectful, no hitting, being kind, responding
to people who ask you questions. Then, we worked at being consistent in
following through when our children misbehaved. Focusing on a few behaviors
that are important to us increases the likelihood of success.
Steph: Reasonable – What
we ask of our children and the discipline we impose for inappropriate behavior both
need to be reasonable. We can’t insist that a 2 year old respond to every
question asked of her by an adult, but we can certainly expect this when she is
12. Likewise, corrective discipline is going to look different depending on the
age and emotional maturity of children.
Paul: Short List – As
Steph mentioned, we did not insist
on a laundry list of unacceptable behaviors from our children. We kept the list
short, focusing on 3-5 things most important to us. Otherwise, it becomes impossible
for a child to comply with our ever increasing list of do’s and don’ts.
Steph: Positive
Reinforcement - it is important to take the time to praise our children
when they are doing something good. This requires intentionality. We tried a
number of things over the years to positively
reinforce good behavior - giving verbal praise, showing physical affection,
and giving weekly rewards for accumulated “good behavior points.” We also posted
our “ Our Family Commandments” on our refrigerator. Parenting children is one of
life’s greatest challenges, but when we work together our marriage and our children
can not only survive, but thrive!
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