Photo Credit: Peter Boccia on Unsplash
In our last post, we shared with you 50 ways to live an Intentional Marriage. This week we want to focus on one -- the Power of Affirmation. The effects of self-affirmation and the power of positive thinking are well know in self-help literature. Being affirmed by your spouse elevates this power exponentially. In this post we will talk about what constitutes a good affirmation and why it is so effective, especially in the presence of others.
MF: One of the 5 Love Languages is Words of Affirmation, although not mine. I tend to be suspicious of affirmations, thinking "What do you want now?" or "Quit playing me!" I can also toss off those that are vague and sound cliché, those that come across as trite. As parents and at work we utilize the power of affirmation to reinforce good behavior and habits. I have to remind myself how important affirmation is to Tom as he scores pretty high in this area on the Love Language Quiz.
|Photo Credit: Jamie Street|
Specific is best when it comes to affirmations. Switch up "You look nice" to "Wow, that shirt really makes your blue eyes pop! And the tie is a perfect fit!" Sometimes affirmations on appearance can be interpreted as flirtatious invitations for sex. Simply ask. "Sex? Tonight?" Tom's response would almost always be: "Yea, Baby!" and mine either a wink (You might get lucky!) or an eye-roll (You've got to be kidding!). Asking the question does not have to diminish the affirmation and it can embellish it!
TOM: The trick is to make sure your affirmation does not come across as manipulative. Tone of voice is important, as is the trust in your relationship. Confidence builds when I know MF well enough to affirm her in an area where she struggles and really appreciates my support. For example: "I can tell you have really been worried about this situation. You are incredibly kind: I am sure you will make the best decision." These simple words and gestures enable me to build up MF and help her overcome the insecurities that plague all of us.
Why is it so important to affirm your spouse in public?
|Photo Credit: Nick Fewings on Unsplash|
- Make them beam from ear-to-ear. Just try it!
- Affirmation reinforces behavior. Share what makes your heart soar!
- Affirming your spouse in public models for others the power of affirmation in a healthy marriage. That's what this post is all about. Pass it on!
- Spoken words have the power to shift your own attitude. Brag on your spouse and expand your own appreciation.
- Affirming your spouse in public lets others know your marriage is rock solid. Hands off!
Words have power. Use them to build a healthy marriage. They are free to share, but invaluable when spoken from the heart!