You’re standing there on your wedding day. You’re dressed in clothes fit for a prince and princess. All your family and friends have gathered. You’ve spent months planning to make this the absolute most. perfect. day. ever.
You repeat the words as they’re given to you: “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse for as long as we both shall live.” (Or something like that.) Fast-forward 5 years, 15 years, 25 years… and you may find yourself thinking back to those words wondering, “Is this what those words meant?”
As we become immersed in this holiday season we are drawn to the magic. Recall the wonder and awe of your childhood, reindeers that fly and a Santa who made dreams come true. Fast-forward several decades. Remember the rush of feelings when you knew your spouse was 'the one'. You reveled in discovering this person who showered you with love and support.
“Scorekeeping” in our marriage can lead to resentment. It starts with an attitude of “I deserve more” where we keep a tally of all the things we do for our spouse. “I did the laundry so he should do the dishes.” This is compounded by the fact that men and women keep score differently.