Do you have
teenagers? Maybe this sounds familiar:
Interested Parent: “How was school today sweetheart?”
Moping teenager, “Fine.”
“Is everything OK?”
“Yup.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
“Nope.”
Good talk.
As a loving parent, we want to have meaningful conversation
with our teenagers, but how? We’ve struggled with this ourselves. We’ve
realized we need to create “opportunities” for our kids to talk to us…when they
are ready. If we poke and prod, chances are they will resist. And when they DO
open up, we need to stop what we are doing and just listen. We must resist
asking still more questions or risk the losing the moment.
Paul: Over the years, I stumbled on a few conversation
opportunities that seemed to work for us. When our son turned 16, I began
taking him with me on ride-alongs in my patrol car when I worked as a police
officer. It was a golden opportunity for him to see his pop in a new light and
gave us plenty to talk about. When he took up an interest in roller hockey, so
did I. At nearly 40, I learned how to skate on roller blades and played hockey
with him daily. Man, did that create great unplanned opportunities to talk
about life – and have some fun at the same time. When our daughter was
struggling with high school English, we read classic books together – lots of
opportunities to springboard from fiction into every day real life happenings.
Steph: Creating opportunities with our daughter when she was
a teen meant allowing silence to linger until she wanted to talk. I knew it was
important to let her drive the conversation. Going shopping was one good way
for us to have time alone together. Now that she is an adult, I still invite
her to go shopping and maybe even suggest we grab coffee or lunch. Another
great way to spend time is to suggest we get a pedicure. Talk about fun ‘girl’
time! When our son played high school football, I made the effort to attend
games whether at home or away. Most of the time he chose to drive home with me
instead of riding back on the bus so that gave us plenty of time to chat. He
also loves to cook, so I like to be his sous chef! Cooking is something we have
in common and it creates opportunities for him to share with me new recipes or
cooking methods.
Creating opportunities for meaningful conversation is still
important with adult children: family dinners, short weekend getaways, going
wine tasting, and playing board games together afford us chances to talk about
things that matter. Do you have any tips that have worked for you? Please leave
us a comment below.
When I was pregnant with my first child, my mom took me to ceramics classes with her and I made a tea set. Was a special time, and is still a very special memory. In recent years, we shared a winery membership and shared many trips to and from the Winery for tastings and special events. It was a 2 hour drive each way. So your advice is right on.
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