Skip to main content

Got Stress?

Photo above courtesy of
Matteo Vistocco on Unsplash

While writing a check for a major expense recently, Mel said, “You seem agitated.” to which Mark replied, “This is a lot of money!”  Mel’s light-hearted response was, “They’re only numbers.”  Mark paused, and then laughed, “Yet another example of how we are completely opposite.”  And we smiled at each other.

            We all handle stress in our own way – from letting everything roll off with a chuckle to brimming just below the surface ready to shoot out steam.  Hopefully you know how you handle stress individually.  If not, ask your spouse – they have an idea!  The real question we want to ask is: How do you help your spouse when you see they are stressed?


When Mel encounters a highly stressful situation, she usually sets aside the situation to focus on managing her stress.  She might start cleaning a room or pull some weeds or escape into a Netflix show.  At these times, I try to give her the space she needs to deal with the stress.  I also offer to help with the situation.  Most importantly, I stay in contact with Mel in whichever ways she is open to at the moment – discussion, hugs, smiling at her when we make eye contact, etc.  I want Mel to know that she doesn’t have to take on stress on her own; we are in this together.


            When Mark is stressed, he dives deeper into the situation and lets the stress keep building.  If it’s a situation I’m able to help him with, I stop what I’m doing and lend a hand in any way I can.  He appreciates the support, which eases his stress.  If it’s a work situation that I have no ability to help with, I look for ways to chip away at his stress level.  I offer to make him some food, give him a hug, and listen to him vent.  I want to convey that I’m there for him in any way he needs me.

Whether it’s helping with the situation or with stress relief, there are so many ways we can support each other in coping with stress.  Regardless of how different our styles of managing stress are, we've come to realize that when one of us is stressed, we're both stressed.  We’re in it together!  How do you two face stress together?  What is your attitude about your spouse’s stress?  Are there any ways you can improve?

Photo courtesy of
Noah Buscher on Unsplash


Other Popular Posts

Great Sex!

Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”
    So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, to be as intimate as possible. Our freq…

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on...

10 Stay at Home Date Night Ideas

Date Night has become a household term in recent years and many couples strive to make this quality time together a priority in our increasingly fast paced lives. Throw some kids into the mix (or in our case a granddaughter), and it’s even harder to carve out quality couple time. Not to worry because finance guru Dave Ramsey has come to our rescue with not only a whole host of date night ideas, but most of them are budget friendly. We’d like to highlight 10 of Dave’s Stay at Home Date Night ideas! 

Marriage Manners Matter

"Fine!" and "Whatever!" These 2 powerful words have the incredible potential to bring nearly any discussion to a screeching halt.  They send the insensitive message of "I don't care. Discussion over.  Period. Full stop!"   As married couples, we have probably used these or similar words.  And, if we have raised children we have probably employed time out, taken the car keys or other forms of discipline.

Those 2 little words are not  the focus of this blog.

Annual Marriage Tune-Up

A number of years ago, some friends of ours told us about a little trick they use to keep their marriage healthy, strong, and vibrant. Every year, they pledge to attend some kind of marriage enrichment event together. According to our friends, this does not mean weekend getaways to the beach, skiing, or going to a bed and breakfast together.

How to FIX Your Spouse

Does your spouse do anything that absolutely drives you nuts? Would you like to know how to “fix” them once and for all? Read on.

I Married YOU, Not Your Family

Growing up and getting married means that we leave our family of origin and start a new family.  We’re not asked to forget about mom and dad, but we do need to remember that our spousal relationship is important to take care of because it becomes the solid ground where we plant our new roots.

Come On, Baby, Light My Fire

One reason married couples end up together is because there is a physical attraction between them. Some call it chemistry. There are times when we can’t keep our hands off each other.  We make any excuse to be close, to be intimate.

Quarantine Romance

We have been under a stay-at-home order for 5 weeks now due to the Coronavirus pandemic.  Just being in the same house together doesn’t ensure a close, intimate relationship though; we must decide to take actions that bring us together.  We decided to view this mandate to stay at home as an opportunity to find new everyday ways to romance each other.

Advice From a Divorce Lawyer

Yes, this is a strange twist.  We recently heard about James J Sexton's book, "If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late."  James is a divorce attorney from New York, who started noticing some patterns after 20 years of working with couples whose marriages were ending.