Skip to main content

Got Stress?

Photo above courtesy of
Matteo Vistocco on Unsplash

While writing a check for a major expense recently, Mel said, “You seem agitated.” to which Mark replied, “This is a lot of money!”  Mel’s light-hearted response was, “They’re only numbers.”  Mark paused, and then laughed, “Yet another example of how we are completely opposite.”  And we smiled at each other.

            We all handle stress in our own way – from letting everything roll off with a chuckle to brimming just below the surface ready to shoot out steam.  Hopefully you know how you handle stress individually.  If not, ask your spouse – they have an idea!  The real question we want to ask is: How do you help your spouse when you see they are stressed?


When Mel encounters a highly stressful situation, she usually sets aside the situation to focus on managing her stress.  She might start cleaning a room or pull some weeds or escape into a Netflix show.  At these times, I try to give her the space she needs to deal with the stress.  I also offer to help with the situation.  Most importantly, I stay in contact with Mel in whichever ways she is open to at the moment – discussion, hugs, smiling at her when we make eye contact, etc.  I want Mel to know that she doesn’t have to take on stress on her own; we are in this together.


            When Mark is stressed, he dives deeper into the situation and lets the stress keep building.  If it’s a situation I’m able to help him with, I stop what I’m doing and lend a hand in any way I can.  He appreciates the support, which eases his stress.  If it’s a work situation that I have no ability to help with, I look for ways to chip away at his stress level.  I offer to make him some food, give him a hug, and listen to him vent.  I want to convey that I’m there for him in any way he needs me.

Whether it’s helping with the situation or with stress relief, there are so many ways we can support each other in coping with stress.  Regardless of how different our styles of managing stress are, we've come to realize that when one of us is stressed, we're both stressed.  We’re in it together!  How do you two face stress together?  What is your attitude about your spouse’s stress?  Are there any ways you can improve?

Photo courtesy of
Noah Buscher on Unsplash


Other Popular Posts

5 Things Men Want

1. RESPECT: (KEN) : When a man is asked, 'Would you rather be respected or loved?' most would choose being respected.  In his book Love and Respect , Dr. E. Eggerichs explains this tendency.   (JANINE) : For years, I didn't appreciate how important it was to Ken that I treat him with respect.  I also didn't understand how hurtful it was when I dis respected him.  When I show Ken respect ( by affirming his decisions,  avoiding sarcasm or by not using a demeaning tone) it translates (for him) into feeling 'loved.'  Another way to say this is: when a man is dis respected, he receives the message he is NOT loved. 2.  SEX:  

What Can’t You Afford to Edit out of Your Story?

Michelle: When I was a teenager, I remember coming home after breaking up with a guy and my dad asking me how it went. I gave the inevitable teenage response, “I don’t want to talk about it.” My dad responded, “You don’t have to. But you do need to remember that there are some things in life that you can’t afford to edit out of your story. Is this one of them?”

The 5 "P's" of Constructive Feedback

Photo Credit:  Ian Schneider (Reprise of post originally published on 09-16-2019) We once read an article on criticism in marriage.  The Author's bottom line was "don't do it."  Even asking: "Can I give you some feedback?" was cautioned against.  Sometimes suggestions given with the best intent with regard to work, chores, relationships with the kids can back fire.  Think back seat driving.  Experience has taught us 5 Key Points for when we just want to give each other a little suggestion.  These 5 simple points set the tone and enable us to let down our defenses and be supportive of each other when offering a little constructive feedback.   

Remember When...

It's easy to get lost in our day-to-day. Once we're out of the honeymoon phase of marriage and real life settles in, we develop routines and patterns of behavior. We become consumed by the here and now, and sometimes we can lose sight of the excitement and passion that brought us together and inspired us to get married in the first place.

The Healing Power of Touch

  Our last blog explored a super power we all have within us – the Super Power of Affirmation.    But did you know that you possess another Super Power?  It’s the Healing Power of Touch.  Holy Hole in a Doughnut, Batman!  Bet you didn’t know you had all that in you!

Easter Greetings!

 Dear Readers, As Spring unfolds and we continue to recover from this pandemic, there could not be a more wonderful time to nurture relationship growth. Wishing you a Happy Easter and a Springtime of Promise. From all of us at TheCouplesPost

When All Else Fails . . . Eat Ice Cream

For many of us the COVID honeymoon is long over.  Isolation, loss of routines, access to the gym, financial worries, working from home and changing school schedules has had us stretched too thin too long.  We'd rather eat an entire loaf of bread than bake one and if we hear how much someone enjoys the extra time with their kids we'll scream!  This is COVID Stress.  We've all experienced it.

10 Things Women Want

1)  Learn her “Love Language :"   And speak it often! (Learn more:  What Language Are You Speaking? ) Janine’s love language is “Acts of Service.” So, when I vacuum or do dishes or cook, it fills up her ‘love tank' - her mood brightens and there’s a whole different vibe between us.   I can tell I’ve found a direct path to her heart.  

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on... 

Getting More of What You Want in Your Marriage

Recently, we attended a work-shop on how to incorporate more positivity into our lives. We were reminded how easily the challenges of life can dominate our thinking. This can be especially true where our couple relationship is concerned. Have you ever thought, “He never gives me any affection” or “She always nags me”?