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Photo courtesy of Guillaume de Germain |
Let me stop
for a moment to address showing weakness as a man. I get it.
I am right there – I want to be the strong protector, the steady
provider, the calm in the chaos. Here’s
the reality: at times I’m tired of the
Kevlar exterior I put on and I don’t really want to take care of others and why
can’t I just run away from the chaos?
Like most human beings, I have worries and experience insecurities. I get overwhelmed sometimes, and it scares
me. Sharing all of this with Mel is hard
to do. You might say it takes great
strength to share your weaknesses.
MEL: My
turn to talk to the ladies: Your man is likely scared to share his feelings, insecurities,
and vulnerabilities with you because he’s afraid you might see him as weak or
that you’ll criticize him. Heck, what if
you were to say that you agree with his fear that he’s weak? That would likely be the last time he shared
deeply with you. So, Ladies, I want you
to chew on this – encourage him to share what’s going on in his heart and mind,
and then just listen to and support him.
Don’t try to solve his problems, or tell him it’s going to be OK. Don’t tell him to put on his big boy pants. And for goodness sake, don’t take the
opportunity to put him in his place.
When I
learned to treat Mark’s vulnerability with gentleness, a new world was opened
to us. As Mark shares, I hold his hand
and look into his eyes. No interrupting
or pacifying him. I listen to him with
all of me, and I love all of him. I want
Mark to know that I’m on his team. I
thank him for trusting me. I ask him
what he needs right now – just to be held?
For me to make him a nice hot drink?
To cancel our plans and just cuddle on the couch? In return, I give him the gift of my heart,
my love, and my own vulnerability.
MARK: When I am vulnerable with Mel, she is
vulnerable in return. Some of the most
intimate interactions we have ever experienced together have started with my vulnerable
sharing. Each time I share in this way
and we get through it, I am stronger – we are stronger. I am a provider of newfound intimacy and the
chaos melts away as we are connected in a way unlike any other. I urge you men to share vulnerably with your
wives. I implore you to be a REAL MAN:
fully committing to your wife, strengthening your relationship, providing
intimacy in a new way. I can tell you it
has changed our marriage for the better in a life-giving way.
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Photo courtesy of Priscilla du Preez |
Beautifully written and so true. Having my husband willing to be vulnerable about his feelings and fears elevated him in my eyes and started us on the road to intimacy we just didn't even know existed before our Marriage Encounter
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