Skip to main content

A Plea For Real Men

Photo courtesy of Guillaume de Germain
We know this is a blog for couples.  But GUYS, I (Mark) need to talk to you for a bit.  I want to talk you about being a Real Man.  I get frustrated when I hear that a real man doesn’t show his feelings or make himself vulnerable, like it is a sign of weakness. 

My opinion is that a strong man is completely committed to his marriage/relationship.  Full commitment means I give all of me.  Sharing my feelings with Mel comes from my heart, and this can leave me vulnerable.

Let me stop for a moment to address showing weakness as a man.  I get it.  I am right there – I want to be the strong protector, the steady provider, the calm in the chaos.  Here’s the reality:  at times I’m tired of the Kevlar exterior I put on and I don’t really want to take care of others and why can’t I just run away from the chaos?  Like most human beings, I have worries and experience insecurities.  I get overwhelmed sometimes, and it scares me.  Sharing all of this with Mel is hard to do.  You might say it takes great strength to share your weaknesses.

MEL: My turn to talk to the ladies: Your man is likely scared to share his feelings, insecurities, and vulnerabilities with you because he’s afraid you might see him as weak or that you’ll criticize him.  Heck, what if you were to say that you agree with his fear that he’s weak?  That would likely be the last time he shared deeply with you.  So, Ladies, I want you to chew on this – encourage him to share what’s going on in his heart and mind, and then just listen to and support him.  Don’t try to solve his problems, or tell him it’s going to be OK.  Don’t tell him to put on his big boy pants.  And for goodness sake, don’t take the opportunity to put him in his place.

When I learned to treat Mark’s vulnerability with gentleness, a new world was opened to us.  As Mark shares, I hold his hand and look into his eyes.  No interrupting or pacifying him.  I listen to him with all of me, and I love all of him.  I want Mark to know that I’m on his team.  I thank him for trusting me.  I ask him what he needs right now – just to be held?  For me to make him a nice hot drink?  To cancel our plans and just cuddle on the couch?  In return, I give him the gift of my heart, my love, and my own vulnerability. 

MARK:  When I am vulnerable with Mel, she is vulnerable in return.  Some of the most intimate interactions we have ever experienced together have started with my vulnerable sharing.  Each time I share in this way and we get through it, I am stronger – we are stronger.  I am a provider of newfound intimacy and the chaos melts away as we are connected in a way unlike any other.  I urge you men to share vulnerably with your wives.  I implore you to be a REAL MAN: fully committing to your wife, strengthening your relationship, providing intimacy in a new way.  I can tell you it has changed our marriage for the better in a life-giving way.


Photo courtesy of Priscilla du Preez



Comments

  1. Beautifully written and so true. Having my husband willing to be vulnerable about his feelings and fears elevated him in my eyes and started us on the road to intimacy we just didn't even know existed before our Marriage Encounter

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Other Popular Posts

Sex: Spontaneous or Planned . . . Let the Conversation Begin

  Happy New Year to all!  We are so grateful that 2020 is clearly in our rear-view mirror.  What a relief.  The start of a new year is traditionally set aside for reflection and resolutions.  For us, 2021 was no different. We often make couple as well as individual resolutions.  Stress and busyness, age and life in general had cooled our sexual relationship to a slow simmer.  Our 2021 goal is :  " Some is good.  More is better! "  Planned or spontaneous -- all is good! Let the conversation begin.

Tell Her She’s Pretty and Let Him Go Golfing

     Kids say the funniest things. But sometimes, the things they say can teach us a thing or two. Our friends Greg and Cecilia have five children between 1 and 11 years old. They asked their four oldest kids to answer some questions about marriage. Here's what they had to say: Why do people get Married? Because they love each other.  Because they kiss each other. How do you know Mom and Dad love each other?

Verbal Judo – Harmonizing Your Tone of Voice

Some time ago, we wrote about the importance of being aware of the Tone of Voice we use with our spouse. The gist of the post was that our Tone of Voice is the key culprit that begins most disagreements, hurts, and fights between spouses. We want to revisit this important topic and provide some additional helpful hints we’ve learned along the way.

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on... 

Great Sex!

Photo by  ijeab  /  Freepik     Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”     So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, t

Looking Forward with Hope and Promise to 2021

2020 will soon be in our rear-view mirror . . .  We look forward with hope and promise to 2021.     W e at The Couples Post   have shared in a practical way how we are so much stronger together as a couple.  May that strength help us navigate 2021 and beyond. 

The Super-Power of Affirmation

  JULIE: I’m not a superhero.   While I can’t fly faster than a speeding bullet, make myself invisible, or read people’s minds, I CAN harness the super-power of affirmation by   telling John the numerous reasons he is special to me or the many traits I admire in him.   Never underestimate the super-power of affirmation to build up your spouse and enhance your relationship.

10 Things Women Want

1)  Learn her “Love Language :"   And speak it often! (Learn more:  What Language Are You Speaking? ) Janine’s love language is “Acts of Service.” So, when I vacuum or do dishes or cook, it fills up her ‘love tank' - her mood brightens and there’s a whole different vibe between us.   I can tell I’ve found a direct path to her heart.  

I Married YOU, Not Your Family

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Growing up and getting married means that we leave our family of origin and start a new family.  We’re not asked to forget about mom and dad, but we do need to remember that our spousal relationship is important to take care of because it becomes the solid ground where we plant our new roots.

Marriage is a VERB

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb.  It isn't something you get.  It's something you do.  It's the way you love your partner every day."