Skip to main content

A Plea For Real Men

Photo courtesy of Guillaume de Germain
We know this is a blog for couples.  But GUYS, I (Mark) need to talk to you for a bit.  I want to talk you about being a Real Man.  I get frustrated when I hear that a real man doesn’t show his feelings or make himself vulnerable, like it is a sign of weakness. 

My opinion is that a strong man is completely committed to his marriage/relationship.  Full commitment means I give all of me.  Sharing my feelings with Mel comes from my heart, and this can leave me vulnerable.

Let me stop for a moment to address showing weakness as a man.  I get it.  I am right there – I want to be the strong protector, the steady provider, the calm in the chaos.  Here’s the reality:  at times I’m tired of the Kevlar exterior I put on and I don’t really want to take care of others and why can’t I just run away from the chaos?  Like most human beings, I have worries and experience insecurities.  I get overwhelmed sometimes, and it scares me.  Sharing all of this with Mel is hard to do.  You might say it takes great strength to share your weaknesses.

MEL: My turn to talk to the ladies: Your man is likely scared to share his feelings, insecurities, and vulnerabilities with you because he’s afraid you might see him as weak or that you’ll criticize him.  Heck, what if you were to say that you agree with his fear that he’s weak?  That would likely be the last time he shared deeply with you.  So, Ladies, I want you to chew on this – encourage him to share what’s going on in his heart and mind, and then just listen to and support him.  Don’t try to solve his problems, or tell him it’s going to be OK.  Don’t tell him to put on his big boy pants.  And for goodness sake, don’t take the opportunity to put him in his place.

When I learned to treat Mark’s vulnerability with gentleness, a new world was opened to us.  As Mark shares, I hold his hand and look into his eyes.  No interrupting or pacifying him.  I listen to him with all of me, and I love all of him.  I want Mark to know that I’m on his team.  I thank him for trusting me.  I ask him what he needs right now – just to be held?  For me to make him a nice hot drink?  To cancel our plans and just cuddle on the couch?  In return, I give him the gift of my heart, my love, and my own vulnerability. 

MARK:  When I am vulnerable with Mel, she is vulnerable in return.  Some of the most intimate interactions we have ever experienced together have started with my vulnerable sharing.  Each time I share in this way and we get through it, I am stronger – we are stronger.  I am a provider of newfound intimacy and the chaos melts away as we are connected in a way unlike any other.  I urge you men to share vulnerably with your wives.  I implore you to be a REAL MAN: fully committing to your wife, strengthening your relationship, providing intimacy in a new way.  I can tell you it has changed our marriage for the better in a life-giving way.


Photo courtesy of Priscilla du Preez



Comments

  1. Beautifully written and so true. Having my husband willing to be vulnerable about his feelings and fears elevated him in my eyes and started us on the road to intimacy we just didn't even know existed before our Marriage Encounter

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Other Popular Posts

5 Things Men Want

1. RESPECT: (KEN) : When a man is asked, 'Would you rather be respected or loved?' most would choose being respected.  In his book Love and Respect , Dr. E. Eggerichs explains this tendency.   (JANINE) : For years, I didn't appreciate how important it was to Ken that I treat him with respect.  I also didn't understand how hurtful it was when I dis respected him.  When I show Ken respect ( by affirming his decisions,  avoiding sarcasm or by not using a demeaning tone) it translates (for him) into feeling 'loved.'  Another way to say this is: when a man is dis respected, he receives the message he is NOT loved. 2.  SEX:  

What Can’t You Afford to Edit out of Your Story?

Michelle: When I was a teenager, I remember coming home after breaking up with a guy and my dad asking me how it went. I gave the inevitable teenage response, “I don’t want to talk about it.” My dad responded, “You don’t have to. But you do need to remember that there are some things in life that you can’t afford to edit out of your story. Is this one of them?”

The 5 "P's" of Constructive Feedback

Photo Credit:  Ian Schneider (Reprise of post originally published on 09-16-2019) We once read an article on criticism in marriage.  The Author's bottom line was "don't do it."  Even asking: "Can I give you some feedback?" was cautioned against.  Sometimes suggestions given with the best intent with regard to work, chores, relationships with the kids can back fire.  Think back seat driving.  Experience has taught us 5 Key Points for when we just want to give each other a little suggestion.  These 5 simple points set the tone and enable us to let down our defenses and be supportive of each other when offering a little constructive feedback.   

Remember When...

It's easy to get lost in our day-to-day. Once we're out of the honeymoon phase of marriage and real life settles in, we develop routines and patterns of behavior. We become consumed by the here and now, and sometimes we can lose sight of the excitement and passion that brought us together and inspired us to get married in the first place.

The Healing Power of Touch

  Our last blog explored a super power we all have within us – the Super Power of Affirmation.    But did you know that you possess another Super Power?  It’s the Healing Power of Touch.  Holy Hole in a Doughnut, Batman!  Bet you didn’t know you had all that in you!

Easter Greetings!

 Dear Readers, As Spring unfolds and we continue to recover from this pandemic, there could not be a more wonderful time to nurture relationship growth. Wishing you a Happy Easter and a Springtime of Promise. From all of us at TheCouplesPost

When All Else Fails . . . Eat Ice Cream

For many of us the COVID honeymoon is long over.  Isolation, loss of routines, access to the gym, financial worries, working from home and changing school schedules has had us stretched too thin too long.  We'd rather eat an entire loaf of bread than bake one and if we hear how much someone enjoys the extra time with their kids we'll scream!  This is COVID Stress.  We've all experienced it.

10 Things Women Want

1)  Learn her “Love Language :"   And speak it often! (Learn more:  What Language Are You Speaking? ) Janine’s love language is “Acts of Service.” So, when I vacuum or do dishes or cook, it fills up her ‘love tank' - her mood brightens and there’s a whole different vibe between us.   I can tell I’ve found a direct path to her heart.  

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on... 

Getting More of What You Want in Your Marriage

Recently, we attended a work-shop on how to incorporate more positivity into our lives. We were reminded how easily the challenges of life can dominate our thinking. This can be especially true where our couple relationship is concerned. Have you ever thought, “He never gives me any affection” or “She always nags me”?