(KEN): When a man is asked, 'Would you rather be respected or loved?' most would choose being respected. In his book Love and Respect, Dr. E. Eggerichs explains this tendency.
(JANINE): For years, I didn't appreciate how important it was to Ken that I treat him with respect. I also didn't understand how hurtful it was when I disrespected him. When I show Ken respect (by affirming his decisions, avoiding sarcasm or by not using a demeaning tone) it translates (for him) into feeling 'loved.' Another way to say this is: when a man is disrespected, he receives the message he is NOT loved.
(JANINE): It took me years to accept that one of the most whole-hearted ways I can express my love for Ken is in our love making. A friend or ours once said, "If women would just realize how easy we (men) are to please..." Understanding how we are different in this area has made a huge difference in our marriage. For more on this topic check out: 7 Tips to Improve Your Sex Life
(KEN): For men (and women) sex goes far beyond the physical. Making love touches the emotional, spiritual, psychological core of a man...and a marriage. All the "I love you's" in the world cannot do what our lovemaking does to my heart.
3. GET INVOLVED WITH HIS INTERESTS:
(KEN): When Janine took up golf so we could play together, it was a concrete sign of her love. It also helped me to be more open to the things Janine is interested in.
(JANINE): When I showed an interest in golf, Ken bought me golf clubs for Christmas. (I've heard of women receiving gifts of rifles, snowmobiles or fishing poles. 😆) This gift was Ken's invitation for me to join him in having fun together. Even though golf wasn't my top choice, when I suggest now that we make a tee time, seeing Ken's eyes light up is so worth it. I'm still not a good golfer, but it has given us many hours of fun, quality time together.
4. CUT HIM SOME SLACK:
(JANINE): Does he know the RIGHT way to fold towels? We used to have so many arguments about simple things that really weren't important. When I decided to just be thankful that Ken WAS folding the towels instead of nit-picking, the arguing lessened. I realized it was ME causing the arguments - being too controlling. Cutting Ken some slack shows him I appreciate and love him - just as he is.
(KEN): Sometimes, we take ourselves (and life) too seriously. When we choose to overlook or laugh at the small things, it frees us to move on and says, "I Love and accept you."
5. A GOOD MEAL:
(JANINE): Alright, I know this sounds old-fashioned, but honestly... preparing a good meal DOES 'speak love' to your husband. Food is more important to Ken than it is to me. When I take the time to cook something a little extra special for us, Ken's whole demeanor changes. I see that look on his face that seems to say, "Aww, for ME?"
(KEN): You've heard it before: "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Whether it's making a great meal, going to a favorite restaurant, or complimenting your husband's cooking, good food (and the thought behind it) connects us.
In case you missed it, here's the link to our previous post - 10 Things Women Want