Skip to main content

Intentional Marriage -- 50 Ways

"Intentional" is a popular buzzword these days.  We are intentional in the workplace, in the way we handle our finances, our fitness routine, and the way we raise and discipline our children.  The list goes on and on and for good reason.  Intentional means to do something deliberately, consciously or with purpose.  It means it didn't happen on a whim; someone planned for it to happen and persisted until it happened.
TOM:  Being intentional in the way we live our marriage is saying "I do" everyday.  It is being pro-active and involved in our marriage; making it our number one priority.  I once heard a pro-basketball player say, "If you are going to take a shot, plan to hit it."  If we want our marriage to be a success we need to make it happen.  We cannot take it for granted.  If we are not intentional, we drift and when MF and I drift, we drift apart.  Being intentional in our marriage is getting to know our spouse well enough that our actions tell them they are loved.  When we are not intentional we can begin to feel out of sorts, judge ourselves as taken for granted and develop attitudes of indifference toward each other and our marriage.

MF:  To be more intentional in our marriage, I need to focus on the everyday acts of kindness, and affirmation that speak Tom's love language. I get busy in the summer with a large garden and I can become focused and overwhelmed with the work to be done.  My tone of voice can be off-putting, even demanding and focused on 'my' agenda and not us.  I expect Tom to know what I need and I don't ask for help, or if I do, my tone is certainly not polite.  Being intentional is asking forgiveness and making adjustments that get us back on track.  Being kind, asking for and appreciating Tom's help is being intentional in our marriage.  It makes the garden so much more fun for both of us!

TOM: Typically when I'm on task and focused on a project I can be oblivious to MF and the beauty in our relationship.  I can be more intentional by pausing my task and sending a smile or a wink that tells her I notice and appreciate her.  MF's love language is Acts of Service, like getting things done so life runs smoothly and we have time for each other.  Knowing this, I try to finish my office charts, get billing in on time, and help in the garden.  When our kids were still at home, we prioritized having dinner together.  Afterwards MF and I would do the dishes.  This was intentional time to focus on each other and set the tone for the rest of the evening.  We strive to develop habits that enable intentionality whether it is praying for each other, being open to our lovemaking or prioritizing fun and creating memories together.

MF:  We have created a list of 50 Ways to 'Love' Your Lover.  We hope you will check it out and comment on ways you as an individual or as a couple have found helpful in living an intentional marriage.  We will add them to the list and all who read it will thank you!


Other Popular Posts

Sex: Spontaneous or Planned . . . Let the Conversation Begin

  Happy New Year to all!  We are so grateful that 2020 is clearly in our rear-view mirror.  What a relief.  The start of a new year is traditionally set aside for reflection and resolutions.  For us, 2021 was no different. We often make couple as well as individual resolutions.  Stress and busyness, age and life in general had cooled our sexual relationship to a slow simmer.  Our 2021 goal is :  " Some is good.  More is better! "  Planned or spontaneous -- all is good! Let the conversation begin.

Verbal Judo – Harmonizing Your Tone of Voice

Some time ago, we wrote about the importance of being aware of the Tone of Voice we use with our spouse. The gist of the post was that our Tone of Voice is the key culprit that begins most disagreements, hurts, and fights between spouses. We want to revisit this important topic and provide some additional helpful hints we’ve learned along the way.

The Elf on the Shelf

It’s that time of year – you know, when our kids are all on their best behavior and the most frequent threat you hear parents utter is “Santa is watching!” The latest craze is the Elf on the Shelf. The elf moves around your home, keeping its eye on your kids and causing a little mayhem along the way. Maybe your elf plays a game with a few of the stuffed animals in the house. Perhaps it gets into your cookie jar. Maybe it even spills flour in your kitchen. No matter what, the kids know it’s watching them. So, what if the elf was watching you and your spouse? Would he tell Santa to bring you a present or put a lump of coal in your stocking?

8 Misunderstandings That Are Hurting Your Sex Life

Why are we writing about sex again?  Sex in marriage is more important than most people think.  It's mysterious. There are a lot of "layers" and complexities to this whole topic.... read on... 

Looking Forward with Hope and Promise to 2021

2020 will soon be in our rear-view mirror . . .  We look forward with hope and promise to 2021.     W e at The Couples Post   have shared in a practical way how we are so much stronger together as a couple.  May that strength help us navigate 2021 and beyond. 

Happy Holidays? In 2020? Yes!

" It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”     ― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas! W hether our holiday family traditions have been around for generations or started in our own marriage, one thing is for certain - 2020 has upended them all.

Great Sex!

Photo by  ijeab  /  Freepik     Sex between a married couple is not only good, it’s very good. If you read the research and surveys, you will find that married couples experience better and more frequent sex than non-married couples. Married couples are healthier, happier, and live longer. When we went on a WorldWide Marriage Encounter weekend, we were more than a little surprised when a priest told us that our love-making is good, is important for us, and is important to the world. He encouraged us to “make mad passionate love!”     So, why has married sex become something else? Society and media portray sex for married couples as dull and lifeless, a tool used to manipulate, something to joke about, and something that - beyond the newlywed phase- gradually drifts away. We’ve been sold this bill of goods, and we often buy into it! What we really crave in our sex life is to give and receive something powerful- to experience the depths of our passion and love for each other, t

10 Things Women Want

1)  Learn her “Love Language :"   And speak it often! (Learn more:  What Language Are You Speaking? ) Janine’s love language is “Acts of Service.” So, when I vacuum or do dishes or cook, it fills up her ‘love tank' - her mood brightens and there’s a whole different vibe between us.   I can tell I’ve found a direct path to her heart.  

I Married YOU, Not Your Family

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Growing up and getting married means that we leave our family of origin and start a new family.  We’re not asked to forget about mom and dad, but we do need to remember that our spousal relationship is important to take care of because it becomes the solid ground where we plant our new roots.

Marriage is a VERB

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb.  It isn't something you get.  It's something you do.  It's the way you love your partner every day."